Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML
Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML
Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
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Top comments
ojosRojos 28
How does that situation indicate that YOU were reckless? That doesn’t make any sense.
TCRII 30
So the pussy ruined your ********...
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Comments (13)
ojosRojos 28
How does that situation indicate that YOU were reckless? That doesn’t make any sense.
Ilmoran 20
She thought OP shoved her head down on it, rather than believing it was the cat.
raven_of_azarath 35
That’s the point of the FML.
zuckerburg 21
That's because he pushed her head down, and is now trying to garner pity/sympathy by pretending his original argument, that the cat did it, was/is valid.
TCRII 30
So the pussy ruined your ********...
jbuckets_404 39
Um, the kitty cat? No, not THAT one! The feline Morris the milk-bowl drinker....
BurnInDemonFire 39
Was this before or after you got whiskey dick?
mas12806 24
She probably thought you shoved her head down, when it was really the cat
wmayrhofer 18
did you come though?
zuckerburg 21
whahaha, sure, "the cat" did it. whahahahahahahaha. good for her for kicking you out