Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML
Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML
Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics to take. One of the side effects of the antibiotics is diarrhea. I haven't coughed once throughout the infection, but I sneezed just as I was ready to go out to the shops and now I need fresh underwear. FML
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Top comments
intelliDude 7
Daiper time! Or just sit on the toilet all day and read FMLs.
Pandacupcakelove 26
I hope you're not the same person who pees every time she sneezes, that would really suck! Get well soon OP :/ FYL
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Comments (96)
Polograte 0
So...allergies and diharrea. That must suck big time.
Senseless_487 29
I've found that if someone says "bless you" before I sneeze, it stops it. If you live with anyone, try that.
missababgaga 19
Be thankful you don't have an IBD or IBS too.. Trust me on this one
drewcat21 0
You might consider moving your stuff into the stall? That sucks!
paaronoid 4
Why does everybody on FML seem to have some sort of intestinal problem, regardless of their age? Ya'll need to invest in some Depends!
bigtime_rocker 11
There's acctually a word for that. The shitsneeze!
DayThought91275 3
Keep your eyes open and you won't sneeze, that is of course if you can fight the urge!
Autoshot 9
Have someone say "god bless you" before you actually sneeze. That ruins my sneeze every time.
FaygoAndMiracles 18
How are so many people able to say OP deserved it?
greenie213 23
Don't. Leave. The toilet. This is very important if you value your pants at all.
N_Jaay 6
Diarrhea has best known to be one of the best lubricants for masturbation!
paaronoid 4
I don't know what you learned in sex ed but that is NOT how you're supposed to wank. I think you're doing this whole masturbation thing completely wrong. Please seek help. I'm worried about you.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
That is ******* nasty.
Chris_Hansen_DMC 2
I wank like that all the time!
calipilot227 16
Dafuq did I just read?
bRower 3
I've seen a lot of stupid, messed up comments on FML but I think this belongs in the top 5.