Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML
Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML
Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics to take. One of the side effects of the antibiotics is diarrhea. I haven't coughed once throughout the infection, but I sneezed just as I was ready to go out to the shops and now I need fresh underwear. FML
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Top comments
intelliDude 7
Daiper time! Or just sit on the toilet all day and read FMLs.
Pandacupcakelove 26
I hope you're not the same person who pees every time she sneezes, that would really suck! Get well soon OP :/ FYL
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Comments (96)
Say_Hey22 6
If you swallow when you feel like you have to sneeze you won't :)
DocBastard 40
Just stay on the toilet all day. Problem solved! Make sure you bring your fully-charged phone with the FML app installed and ready. You'll have all day to catch up.
OneGirlsLife 20
If you think of something random such as a blue cow you won't sneeze.
CuriousAlien 7
Try to hold your nose or say cabbage repeatedly so you would hold back your sneeze a little. Then rush to the bathroom so you can prepare for your next sneeze. Good luck though!
fionaharding 1
just sit in the bathroom...
Sandman366 6
Force your eyes open when you need to sneeze.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Impossible. Even if you could do that, the force would cause your eyeballs to fly from their sockets.
daps29 11
This sadly happened to me to much...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
When I was little, I thought butt plugs were used to hold in diarrhea.
karlee333 11
I think it's time you've mastered the quiet sneeze, OP.
criminallyinked 2
Hope you get better soon. This is funny though.