Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML
Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML
Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics to take. One of the side effects of the antibiotics is diarrhea. I haven't coughed once throughout the infection, but I sneezed just as I was ready to go out to the shops and now I need fresh underwear. FML
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Top comments
intelliDude 7
Daiper time! Or just sit on the toilet all day and read FMLs.
Pandacupcakelove 26
I hope you're not the same person who pees every time she sneezes, that would really suck! Get well soon OP :/ FYL
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Comments (96)
intelliDude 7
Daiper time! Or just sit on the toilet all day and read FMLs.
iNewKid 20
OP i know how you feel, it's so annoying. I had it a week ago at school! My teachers wouldn't believe i needed to use the bathroom every 10minutes. Sucks OP! Feel better soon :)
GypsyRover 0
I call it, Evil ass.
chell1894 13
Teachers or boss' don't seem to understand how severe a bad case of the poops can be. If its severe enough you can get dehydrated which makes you feel 10 times worse. And like throwing up its just better in the comfort of your own home.
tabbycat2007 22
Diaper*
intelliDude 7
Ah. Thanks. No wonder my phone kept trying to correct the word with dapper. It was 5:15am, so it didn't occur to me that I was spelling it wrong. Thanks for correcting me :)
kewlone645 8
Or you can say "cucumber" every time you feel like you have to sneeze! :P it actually kinda stops you from sneezing! Or you can wear the diapers... :)
ArmadilloW 6
OP- Try forcing your tongue against the roof of your mouth to prevent yourself from sneezing, works a lot of the time for me.
Field_hockey 6
I can't sway I feel for you on this one op. that has never happened to me, but good luck with that.
ICastillo 25
Just to let you know #2 it sucks having the *****. I've actually never shit myself but had to stay close to a bathroom for a awhile.
DocBastard 40
Field_hockey- Your empathy is simply overwhelming.
gc327072 31
Sometimes I think the world would be a better place if we had empathy boxes.....
KiddNYC1O 22
2- Next time save your breath and be like one of those assholes and hit YDI.
CookieGirl4ever 13
Omg this actually happened to me once...
Pandacupcakelove 26
I hope you're not the same person who pees every time she sneezes, that would really suck! Get well soon OP :/ FYL
moonlight6654 6
That would suck
sincerelyjay 13
That's a results of a week bladder. That's when you start your kegels!
Betz 10
Sometimes rubbing my eyes stops or delays the sneeze. It might help you last long enough to run to the washroom.
neilykins 29
Or say 'Pineapple'. I've heard that stops the sneeze.
Demonfish 14
4- there is a slight flaw in your plan; while OP is rubbing their eyes, they will be unable to see, which might make locating the bathroom, a tad tricky.... :L
graffitied_love 20
If you stick your tongue on the roof of your mouth you can delay or even stop a sneeze. Hope it helps!
ee13lbp 4
28- or it might not even stop the sneeze and without your hand over your mouth you'll just sneeze into the open. Possibly into someone's face...
trivel64 16
Plugging your nostrils ALWAYS works. When you can't inhale you don't have any air to sneeze with!
loserboii 11
Looks like you'll be remaining on the toilet for quite some time.
klovemachine 24
Diarrhea diarrhea cha cha cha!!!
Autoshot 9
God Bless Poo
SighMaster3000 4
Press your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth to hold back the sneeze.
MrBond007_fml 6
Sneeze the shit out of it!
gracehi 33
When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea diarrhea... When you're sliding into third and you lay a great big turn, diarrhea diarrhea... When you're sliding into home and you're pants are full of foam, diarrhea, diarrhea... Where did you learn that song, Son? Baseball camp, Dad. Ah. Well that was money well spent.
gracehi 33
WTF??? That wasn't supposed to be a reply. Sorry for that accidental thread jacking, my friend.
laden_swallow09 35
You forgot the second verse! "When you're slidin' into two and you're trying not to poo, diarrhea. Diarrhea."
ICastillo 25
Well Sir......*takes off sunglasses*...that is a shitty situation.
ICastillo 25
I'm not going to lie that shit was worth the down votes.. Hahaha
RandomComments 6
I thought you were supposed to put on the sunglasses. Example: "Well, sir, that's a *puts on sunglasses* shitty situation." YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
perdix 31
#16, let me give you a little coaching here. #42 has it right where the placement of the "*lowers sunglasses*" (my preferred version to describe the move), should be. What follows the move should be only one or two words. One word is better and a single-syllable word is best. I think the YEAH at the end is not necessary and doesn't add to the humor. Good luck out there!
ICastillo 25
Oh shit dropped the ball on that one guys.
vitty_z 16
the putting on sunglasses and YEEAAAHH is a csi Miami quote haha
Rodders_SOTC 1
Phone or Laptop.Netflix.Breaking Bad.Sorted.
WritingWrongs 8
Candle.pack of gum.apartement complex.shampoo.garbage truck.
paaronoid 4
are you guys ok?
heygirlie777 21
12 is saying that if you have Netflix, you can just stay on the toilet because breaking bad is just so good. 31 did not understand 12's comment, but tried to go along with it and just stated random things that most certainly did not make any since.
SenselessPattern 12
****.sentences.Lists.and.fragments.2012.
WritingWrongs 8
not exactly... i understood what he was saying, i was mocking the format of his thoughts. I just thought the joke would be more obvious to people following the thread, because my line was much more ridiculous and made no sense, but I'm new to FML, so forgive my stupid comment.