Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML
Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML
Today, I had to put my 12 year-old dog down because he had dementia. I was told I got to lay on the floor with him, and say when I was ready. The vet brought my dog out on a stretcher, had the vet tech put him in a choke-hold, and administered the drugs before I could speak. Now, I have PTSD and she has to undergo sensitivity training. FML
Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. Wanting to seem like a responsible owner, I lifted him onto the exam table. My back then cracked loudly, I dropped him, and he ran straight into a trash can. The vet sighed and asked, “Rough day for both of you?” FML
Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML
Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML
Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore." FML
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Top comments
irollup 4
This was wonderfully written. I've never read an FML so descriptive.
gunmania0 12
That was a good hard metaphor.
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Comments (282)
kittie_meow 3
I'm sorry and I know how you feel. I just had to put down my dog Thursday morning. Its hard but sometimes its for the best. I know my dog is happier now and that makes me a little bit happier.
greekgal44 14
so damn descriptive. is OP an author?
greekgal44 14
so damn descriptive. is OP an author?
lightburns 10
Thanks 135 and 212 :) to 235 The fact of the matter is that within English usage, we use one thing to refer to another - for better or for worse it has been ingrained and accepted within our society that such a description has no relevance to its original usage. For example, a victim of attempted murder will take no offence at the usage of the phrases "I'd kill for a coffee", "I have time to kill", "He gets away with murder", "He stabbed me in the back", "I'll give a stab at it" or "this papercut kills". Murder, despite being considered a worse crime than rape, does not have people arguing that phrases that reference murder shouldn't be used. For some reason, rape is starting to be given a special place where these things are noticed - I recently took part in a discussion where I defended the usage of the word 'frape'. At the end of the day, I think people have to accept the reality of this. It really is unfortunate if these phrases act as a trigger to rape victims, and that isn't something that I'd wish to happen. But the reality is that idioms and analogies such as these have become an intrinsic part of language. Everybody uses them all the time without even noticing, and to argue against one is to argue against them all. No more would things spread "like wildfire". No more would people "rob you blind". Stopping all these potentially offensive phrases is impossible.
Heather_cot3 0
Yeah, how you wrote this freaked me out a little bit.
grunch228 0
you're crazy, seriously, who uses those descriptions! go get ****** by irony
Leftieswillrule 3
I initially misheard this horribly as you had to put your dog down because it raped you...
xxMichaxx 0
two thumbs up for that beautifully descriptive FML. sorry about your dog! :/
ImDB8 0
Ae u sure it was irony?
onewacko 0
Can't tell if your sad for the dog or not being ass ******
blair_x 12
No offense, but horrible descriptions - for a minute I thought it was your dog ******* you or a stranger ass-raping you or something.