Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML
Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I totaled my car whilst rushing to pick up my son from daycare. This happened as I was leaving the hospital, after dropping off a wheelchair to my recently disabled wife, who is taking care of our newborn in the special care unit. FML
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Top comments
ntd309 14
Buy a new dad
Pleonasm 36
I hope for you that you aren't living in a situation where it will be you paying for those damages OP. FYL
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Comments (88)
ntd309 14
Buy a new dad
billyz77 24
If that were possible, most of us would have new parents. I've been collecting money all my life and I still don't have enough to afford a new father to help me through my early life while mine was busy with other interests. I stopped trying years ago and now I spend my money on toys!! Maybe OP can find his way like I did. Best of luck to you.
sux4u121 10
1, you are being absolutely ridiculous, what are you talking about "buying a dad", like that will happen with this economy.
Steve95401 49
OP is still in high school, so she's not even old enough to live independently and get out from this situation.
Bluekaren16 19
The Whitest Kids You Know - Get a new daddy. I mean haven't you guys heard of the song?
billyz77 24
"Take naked pictures of yourself and hide 'em in his sock drawer and you can Get a New Daddy. Get a New Daddy." Classic. That's one of their funniest songs, 74, but I think "Getting High With Dinosaurs" was a bit more popular.
Bluekaren16 19
#77 - I like Old folks home better haha
yresim 12
77 - Good song. But there's easier ways to get a new daddy. Like telling your mom he beat you and pawned your new xbox for beer money.
OhMinty 5
What an ass
Cashtangoteam 10
It was 5 o'clock somewhere.
Pleonasm 36
I hope for you that you aren't living in a situation where it will be you paying for those damages OP. FYL
ThePsyche 9
If I was OP I would refuse to pay the damages regardless, but that's just me.
Pleonasm 36
I would too, but there are people who are more tolerant than I am or too kind, and get used, and I hope that isn't the case.
ulissey_fml 22
Guess he hit the milk bottle again.
WearingHats 14
He wasn't ready for the 2%.
Catkam623 27
What a pussy, I drink whole;)
rkmn8r 6
I don't want to sound like a bad ass or anything, but when no one is looking I drink right out of the milk jug.
Futacy 30
rkmn8r is cool like dat
SonOfAMitch 14
Stop suggesting illegal things, guys! If my parents caught me drinking full-fat...
WearingHats 14
Have you heard of goat milk? That shit is crazy.
sens3sfailing 25
I sometimes grate down some cheddar cheese, then snort it. its a problem...I know
LeFrogDog 27
think that's bad try silk milk. you will never be the same.
andyyroxx 20
I drink milk straight from the bag. Yes, I hail from the Great North.
TheHarvest 7
just hope he wont expect you to pay for the damages.
J_babyxoxo 8
that sucks. make him pay it
HowieDoIt 21
Actually you're not
Pleonasm 36
Not even close. How slow must you be to arrive on the FML with zero comments, and take so long to think of some shitty comment, choose "first" as your comment, that you subsequently come 6th? EDIT: AHA, she wrote "first" then changed it to this. You're not fooling us.
VannahJane 17
Im assuming she changed her comment
perdix 31
If you are in a car that can travel at 30 miles per hour, and your destination is 10 minutes away, then the most humilating part is: A) Your dad is attending a baby shower B) He's wasting money sending you to ACT Prep classes C) He can't hold his liquor D) 5 miles E) All of the above. This is to make up for the 10 minutes of class you missed and this one will be on the actual test. For the answer, you'll have to sign up for perdix' ACT Prep Class.
Coop817 19
He only was there for the first 10 minutes. Assuming the class was two hours long, how much time (in minutes) did he miss? A) 10 B) 50 C) 100 D) 110 Hint: not 10 minutes
Pleonasm 36
Well, I picked A and B for the last question, so for this one I will pick C and D, to cover most of the bases. Isn't that how we do multiple choice questions?
Javee 17
Uh..duh..too hard, brain shut-down activate. Where do I sign up? Shut up and take my money! I'm not from The United States, is this test very arduous?
perdix 31
#29, well, the Math section is pretty straightforward, but the Obstacle Course is murder! Crossing that rickety rope bridge over the pit of snakes was super-hard.
friedpwnadge 25
Goddamnit why do I love you so much.
FFML_314 12
Where is the sign-up sheet?
Javee 17
#31- A maths exam requires great exertion on my part. I'd rather take the obstacle course.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I would find the most embarrassing part of that is that your car can only go 30 miles per hour, even a smart car could beat that! Baby shower partiers don't really disturb me...
NotGabe 28
Whew. At least it was a prep class and not the actual thing.
ChazzyWazzy1998 10
Thats an awkward situation, but congrats to the expecting couple!
j_cat187 20
Well at least you don't have to pay for the damages.