Today, I realized I'm in a horribly toxic marriage. My wife offered to let me sleep in, and my first thought was, "This is a trap, in thirty minutes she'll be yelling at me for being lazy." I tested it. Yup, it was a trap. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML
Today, I realized how toxic and controlling my wife is. She left to go on a vacation, and I'm so used to her micromanaging everything I do that I'm completely unable to function. I tried to play a video game and had a panic attack because I imagined her walking in and screaming at me. FML
Today, after 6 years of marriage, my wife called me toxic and abusive. All because I asked her if she's going to find a job, as it's getting harder for me to take care of everything, and we need more money at the moment. She's been unemployed for almost two years already. FML
Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML
Today, some woman ran up, hugged me from behind, and called me another dude's name. When she saw my face, she apologised for getting the wrong person, and ran off. Perfectly innocent, right? Nope. My wife is forcing me to sleep in another room until I admit I’m having an affair. FML
Today, my wife screamed, cried, called me lazy and a bad parent, and threatened to leave and take our four kids. All I did was ask for an hour to myself every day for some private time. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
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Top comments
angus 17
Run
FluffythePink 23
Spend a couple of months documenting and collecting evidence for EVERYTHING, set up your escape strategy and then find a good lawyer for the divorce.
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Comments (4)
angus 17
Run
Hangryko 32
Divorce.
eellik 12
This isn't toxic, this is more like "comic-book-supervillain" evil. If you still have feelings for her, start the process of undoing those.
FluffythePink 23
Spend a couple of months documenting and collecting evidence for EVERYTHING, set up your escape strategy and then find a good lawyer for the divorce.