Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
Jailbird
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Diversion tactics
Today, upon getting the paperwork for my Court Diversion, I found out I had to write an apology letter to my brother. The brother who sent me to jail for trying to get him to stop abusing his girlfriend, and holding him instead of fighting when he charged at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Public freakout
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
It wasn't me!
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Well done
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Petty thief
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
Top comments
capslockisgood 19
Owl bet he feels pretty dumb now!
That_Ginger 18
Your location verifies my suspicion that your brother fought Ron Weasely. What a lucky guy.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
nevereyes 31
Owls are pretty awesome.......
3813_fml 4
shall we make the owls sacred :D
tj4234 36
To be fair owls are pretty badass. They would probably take that guy down in a fight too. Did you know tawny owls (the small ones that are about 30 cm tall) cause more human deaths than any other wild animal in Europe?
askullnamedbilly 33
Source please? Looked it up because I was honestly curious how a tawny owl could kill a human, and couldn't find any article that supported your owl fact.
tj4234 36
I can't find the source for it anymore online > . >. It came from a government document i can no longer find on the internet xD. But it's a fact i know largely from having kept tawny owls all my life. So i may not be able to prove the statistic at he moment, but i can explain why it is the case. Basically it's because poaching is very common in woodland areas. People underestimate owls due to their size, but they are incredibly territorial (once they have left the nest, they spend more or less their entire lifetime in one area. Which can be up to around 30 years if they die of old age). They are also nature's equivalent to a stealth bomber. There are numerous videos on youtube that will show this, but they fly silently. That's why you should not touch an owl with your bare hands (if the situation ever arises). Because you can inhibit its ability to hunt through the oil in your fingers making the birds feathers whistle in flight. They also have very sharp talons, as many of you who have held a bird before will probably know. So with those pieces of information, it's not actually hard to see why they are so dangerous. Some foolish poacher disturbs the bird's nest. The bird swoops down silently from above. As it is above the poacher it will therefore go for the highest point. In the attack, the talons might slice the jugular or something. The attacks are usually defensive, even if the victim is not actually deliberately doing something to threaten the bird. Because they are so territorial, they often just attack anyone who is near them. Particularly during breeding season, which lasts from march through until september.
fsomelife 26
By flying up one's nose, judging by its size
askullnamedbilly 33
Hate to say this, but this still sounds like something you completely made up. Despite the fact that humans getting killed by wild animals is a highly sensationalized topic in the media, I could not even find a single article about any type of owl killing a human being - aside from a few forum entries pointing to an urban legend of a Great Horned Owl killing a man in a raccoon hat. If tawny owls really have the highest kill count, shouldn't there be at least one documented case of an owl killing a human?
kaablam 17
Sorry #29, but you are in fact-- an idiot.
expectcriticism 13
they're not killing them but http://www.king5.com/news/environment/Aggressive-owls-attacking-people-at-local-state-parks-178012581.html
brandoneyez1 25
I'm sure their is more to the story. Sorry op, but be there for your brother.
Nilorak 24
there*
brandoneyez1 25
Yes there* why did that get voted down. Lol
BritneyArmy678 3
I just voted it down
Ben009 13
Owls are kick ass. High five
lizziemo79 18
Hoo could they
weveallbeenthere 30
is your brother an owl? why would he fight with someone over this.
utlanning 9
YOLO (You Obviously Like Owls)
limitedition 25
He sure likes hooters.
pwnman 33
Whoo can hate owls?