Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, upon getting the paperwork for my Court Diversion, I found out I had to write an apology letter to my brother. The brother who sent me to jail for trying to get him to stop abusing his girlfriend, and holding him instead of fighting when he charged at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
capslockisgood 19
Owl bet he feels pretty dumb now!
That_Ginger 18
Your location verifies my suspicion that your brother fought Ron Weasely. What a lucky guy.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
Alhamdulilah 15
No problem, owl pay.
BlueeyedLindsey 8
Did he win?
Cesar_malik 7
Men don't fight over these little thing at least not that bad to get thrown in jail.. I still hope he said brother and another man
Comoke1024 19
"Hoo are you kidding?" = Better user name :)
megadki14 6
thanks for the laugh!
annalily5 28
Totally justified. Owls are the shit.
bashley101 5
What the **** is up with owls?!?!
mcmacmick97 9
Its funny how many people i see trying so desperately to get likes on their comments
fuckup666 17
That's owlful...
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Technically, OP, you did not "have to" bail him out of jail. He should have stayed in there for being stupid. Regardless of what someone may or may not like, beating them up is assault, and a crime that he should pay for. It's about time someone gets arrested instead of probation for breaking the law.
Axel5238 29
Agreed, he really should have stayed over night to let things sink in. Not sure if the brother is going to learn much by being bailed out. At worst, he thinks he can get away with this stuff and now thinks he has a funny story to tell his friends. At best hopefully he learns something about drinking and/or fighting, that stuff like this isn't cool or something to be proud of. At worst, the brother's side of the story turns up on texts from last night and he thinks stuff like this is funny.