Today, I have to make a hard decision on whether I should move on and free my boyfriend from me and let him do his own thing while I do my own, or resolve our differences. Advice needed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML
Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML
Today, I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend I’m not happy with him anymore. I need advice about how to do it. FML
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Today, I felt a fear that my relationship with my boyfriend isn’t going to last. There’s nothing inherently wrong, yet I find myself thinking of breaking up with him. A lot. I love him and feel like I’m already part of his family, and that's something I don’t want to let go. I don’t know what to do. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a choice between me and the super creepy, codependent, almost Norman Bates relationship he has with his mother. Guess which he chose. FML
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Today, after months of planning, my boyfriend told me he's changed his mind and doesn’t want to move with me to where I got a job. Why? He doesn’t want to live that far away from his mother. FML
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Top comments
SJKatt 15
Feels like maybe you already know? You wrote it as "freeing" your boyfriend, which means maybe he and/or you think you're holding him back somehow? Maybe bring it to r/relationshipadvice.
RichardPencil 32
Move on. You don't need conflict in your life, so get rid of it when you have the chance.
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Comments (11)
Jonkbaby 23
It sounds cheesy but what does your heart tell you? That this relationship is worth continuing your effort, or that its time to move on? It sounds cold in text form but well wishes my friend
SJKatt 15
Feels like maybe you already know? You wrote it as "freeing" your boyfriend, which means maybe he and/or you think you're holding him back somehow? Maybe bring it to r/relationshipadvice.
Chazzster 32
I may be understanding you wrong, but the way you describe it sounds like maybe your boyfriend has already made his decision and maybe it’s a case of you coming to terms with the breakup? A breakup in a relationship only requires one person to decide it is over - It does not require the former partner to agree. But in human terms, both are eventually forced to recognize that things are over, regardless of if they are the one who made the initial decision or not. If I misread the situation and OP is the one actually deciding to break up or not, here are some questions to ask yourself and your partner before you make your decision: (1) Is this relationship salvageable? Every relationship goes through good and bad times. If both are willing to compromise on some things and still values the relationship then what is needed is honest two-way communication. That means listening as much as you talk. (2) What are my options realistically speaking? If I do decide to breakup then what comes next? I won’t say to stay in an unfulfilling or loveless relationship just because it’s easier than starting off on your own, but are you realistically ready to go back to dating or living with roommates? You need to think a step ahead - If you do this then what will you do next? At the least mentally prepare yourself to face the new future if you need to. (3) Deep down inside, do you love him and does he love you? Is this just a rough patch or is this relationship doomed because of incompatible personalities or values. Remember that everyone changes somewhat as they go through life’s experiences - You change, he changes. It’s as unrealistic to demand that change stop as it is to demand one person change their entire personality just to suit the other. We can and do change, sometimes for the better sometimes not. But the core of most people’s personality and values does not usually change that much except when major life-altering events require accommodation. Make a list of the things that you once liked about boyfriend and that you still like. Make a list of the negatives of staying in this relationship. Sometimes the right choice will be more apparent when you write things like this down (or put into text in your Notes or similar app on your phone or computer). I have always found that the process of organizing my thoughts into words and thoughts that can be written and read back makes my choices clearer.
RichardPencil 32
Move on. You don't need conflict in your life, so get rid of it when you have the chance.
Caitlin Elizabeth Tanner 15
If you have to ask that question then I think you know the answer.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Dump him.
TheLoTheRR 4
Ask yourself what makes you happier. Would you be happier without him or would you be happier if you stayed and things got better? Know what you want before you approach him, then ask what he wants.
pinkgillyflower 1
Are you waiting for him to make the decision? Sounds like you already know the right answer but you don’t want to be responsible for it.
missreader 14
maybe talk it over with your partner and try to come to a resolution on the issue that you both may have it's the best advice I can think of.