Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML
Today, upon getting the paperwork for my Court Diversion, I found out I had to write an apology letter to my brother. The brother who sent me to jail for trying to get him to stop abusing his girlfriend, and holding him instead of fighting when he charged at me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
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Top comments
capslockisgood 19
Owl bet he feels pretty dumb now!
That_Ginger 18
Your location verifies my suspicion that your brother fought Ron Weasely. What a lucky guy.
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Comments (105)
capslockisgood 19
Owl bet he feels pretty dumb now!
ComoEsJuan 24
Hoo would do such a thing?
purpleturtle16 20
You should've let him handle it owl by himself. Owl he needs is a little self control.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
This owl pun is a tawny bit barn-y.
\ 28
He needs a better owlet for his anger.
Gaber64 11
These puns are pure gold
Nickb55 16
Yeah they sure are a hoot!
hellnosucka 27
owl hunt him down for you
toaster123 11
he shouldnt have get into a browl.... over an owl...
julako 22
howly shit! hope you two are owlright!
REALAfroninga 11
Wowl. I didn't think these puns would make me laugh so hard!!
False_Stupidity 42
Sounds like the brother had a real hoot, that is until he ended up spending owl night in jail.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
It must be nice for him to know that you'll owlways be there for him!
Obacooba 14
Owl bet he has snow friends now. He is probably tawny apart. Owl would have don't the same thing as him.
Babbit 6
is he owlways this short tempered?
Cleu 12
Some of these puns are a real hoot, but some of these are just owlful!
JmarChanology 20
Owl the Kings horses and owl the Kings men...
That_Ginger 18
Your location verifies my suspicion that your brother fought Ron Weasely. What a lucky guy.
Voij 16
He probably fought a mouse, a shrew or perhaps Simon Cowell. Y'know, 'cause everyone [else] is fond of owls. (I hope anybody gets this.)
dawnimus 21
There's owls in your dressing room.
Lehk 9
owls in your gravy.
Welshite 40
He's just bitter because he wasn't accepted into Hogwarts.
BrickTamlandLamp 13
I was gonna say a pun about owls but they don't fly around here
SemiAuto 21
Sometimes you just gotta wing it!
SatinsNightmares 17
I see Harry's getting a little crazy.
lengi123 18
R.I.P. Hedwig :'(
MsConfusedd 27
Whooo doesn't like owls?
Dmc169 9
And I thought that we in the U.S. got into fights over stupid stuff
gracehi 33
Nope. That'd be Scotland.Everyone knows that the Scottish are tough and love to fight. But you tend to be tough in a country where the thistles are waist high and no one's invented trousers.
travelfreak 20
Owlch I bet that hurt
un4tunately 4
Absolutely not.
WellThatSucked89 13
Too hard.
el_mermaid 16
You tried a bit too hard
Sinistra_Blue 12
"Hey, don't you just LOVE owls more than anything else in the whole wide world?" "What? Uh, not really?" *punch*
Black_Knight80 13
sheesh where was that owl city?