Today, at age thirty, my dad gave me the first compliment he's ever given me: "Remember to wash the pan out. Oh, and good job doing your chores and your mother's today." And everyone wonders why it took until last year for me to figure out I'm the same gender as this shitbag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML
Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, my dad finally told me why he never paid child support to my mom when he was supposed to for the last ten years. His reason? Because I'm a girl and I wasn't that important. FML
Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, I confronted my dad about his horrible attitude toward women. I pointed out that a man with as many sisters and daughters as he has, shouldn’t refer to women who’ve had children as “damaged goods”. He laughed and said, “Ah well, once it’s been blown out, it’s no good to anyone.” Thanks dad. FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
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Top comments
Crowned Sataness 12
if you're 30 and still living at home, you've got bigger problems
RichardPencil 32
I'm guessing your dad isn't going to be complimenting you on your clear, concise writing anytime soon. "Great non-sequitur" is sarcasm, not a real compliment.
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Comments (5)
Crowned Sataness 12
if you're 30 and still living at home, you've got bigger problems
wrenavery90 12
Why are you still living at home when you're 30???
Maddy Bee 12
if he's living in America, he probably can't afford to move out. my bf and I live with his parents.
RichardPencil 32
I'm guessing your dad isn't going to be complimenting you on your clear, concise writing anytime soon. "Great non-sequitur" is sarcasm, not a real compliment.
GameofLife29 1
So many disrespectful comments, I am almost 30 and still live with my parents. I have disabilities, people shouldn't be judging without understanding.