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Anonymous United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

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Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

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Top comments

emerluvsu 6

That's the most original fml I've ever heard.

123zc1 3

Omg I almost died laughing

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Comments (571)

j_ortiz27 7

Awesome.

HippoCampus 7

Did you get kicked because the girl who did it thought you were her ex-boyfriend?

lolman222 0

Can't lose virginity to a shoe. To lose your virginity, one must penetrate your ****** with a penis.

knockoutmouse 8

On the one hand, I agree with you that she's still a virgin. On the other hand, that's still a heteronormative definition of virginity.

lolman222 0

Words too big... Don't understand. Sorry I forgot oral and anal sex and all over forms of sex I may be forgetting(?). Forgive me. I have no excuse.

spartan522114 0

Homosexual's don't count silly

angel1234567 10

Is there a different word besides "penetrate" people could use? Btw she's now "loose" down there so whoever she ends up having sex for the time is gonna think that she's not a virgin. I think. I really feel bad for the OP though cuz that sounds like it hurt :(

cetlawizard 15

Loose would only come from too much stretching of her ****** (sex, or sex toys), you don't get loose once the hymen is torn. Women get loose from sleeping around with too many different people, or too much stretching from putting very large objects into themselves too often before that, otherwise they generally stay relatively tight until they get older and start to lose their elasticity down there.

ShroomsOnAcid 17

363 I'm pretty sure becoming loose from sleeping around is just a myth. Well at least the sleeping around part, because I'm certain the ****** can't tell how many different dicks it has hosted. Even if a woman has a lot of sex, I don't think that's enough to permanently stretch out her ******. Very large objects are a different deal though. And no, random cocky dude, your penis doesn't qualify so don't even try.

horneyhic 15

Ur ****** will open to the size of ur regular partner so if ur partner is big it will feel loose to some ppl but if u stop having sex it will shrink again

N0dA 0

Well if the shoe fits :)

ndhin831 2

Probably took marginally less time than would have been used by some sweaty teenager. At least when you do have sex with some 1 pump chump it won't be physically painful. The psychic trauma however...

madskittlesftw 5

Imagine if the shoe got stuck..

Monkeysmommy1 0

Unless that shoe was attached to someones dick, I think you're safe on the virginity thing. *Sigh* I'm guessing you're also the kind of dumbass who thinks using a tampon would take virginity too.

prinzess_fml 25

Come on, that's not what virginity is about Otherwise Madonna could go to some surgeon and ****magic****, like a virgin again! Not really...

TheHarvardian 25

Just going to throw this out there, I don't think that's technically possible. I'll give you that you could have broken your hymen getting kicked in the crotch, but you're still a virgin until you have sex. That being said, that really sounds like it sucks. Why the hell did someone kick you in the crotch that hard? Btw, congrats on being able to spell "crotch". When I'm moderating, I keep seeing it spelled "crouch".