Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML
Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
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Top comments
colby6666 43
Get payback with their sock? FYL
Steve95401 49
Pumping yourself with a pump sounds painful.
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Comments (110)
colby6666 43
Get payback with their sock? FYL
boating_guy 33
I originally read the FML thinking OP was female. Now you make me wonder if OP is male. Either way, what the ****.
jazmin3012 28
Your profile picture fits perfectly as a reaction to this FML
Steve95401 49
Pumping yourself with a pump sounds painful.
iLike2Teabag 27
But isn't that what all the other kids with the pumped up kicks are doing?
Enslaved 38
Don't worry about the pain, it'll heel.
ComoEsJuan 24
You all have no sole.
Dicebar 10
If the shoe fits...
MrSassypants 34
The show never fits if you know what I mean.... What I mean is I need a much smaller shoe.
MeanBeagle 22
these shoes are made for wa... oh
hotheadslav 17
That is honestly really disturbing OP, maybe you should have a talk with your roommate about what stuff they can and can't use to pleasure their self.. Hopefully that never happens again
Seabass_Chan 33
The fact that a conversation like that is even necessary says quite a bit about OP's roommate.
Cocoapelli 23
Short conversation. "Anything that's not my stuff." Right? There's no exceptions to that, are there?
wishfulthinks 19
I can only hope it wasn't a stiletto
slingerslasher 24
Or a motherfucking Croc
5secondsofvvifi 21
Wait.. People still own crocs? People still SELL crocs? I mean I get little kids might like them because they can kind of design them a bit but...
random_man1999 11
There are actually some nice crocs, just not the holed ones
_parth 20
Weird world.
joelp232 17
it might be time to add locks to your room
slingerslasher 24
lol just lock the roommate out gg
drunkturtle 14
I'm wondering how you would even do that The toe or the heel? So many questions
jtthegr8 26
I'm guessing you just stick it in here and hope you figure it out eventually. Or if it's a heel, then you can use the heel if it's long enough I guess.
jtthegr8 26
The other half didn't make it :( Assuming roommate is a female, I suppose you could use a thicker, more rounded heel
Mauskau 36
Depending on the shape, you could use the toe because that usually has a rubber bit on the end, so it won't be squishy it'll be quite rough, and in the right places it can do the job. I mean umm, OP's roommate is weird, don't use something that's possibly stepped in puddles of piss and everything else, use something clean which is also easy to clean. I Googled this, I swear...
PePziNL 20
70: You put way too much thought into that.
drunkturtle 14
Come join us at fml, where we have discussions about how to pleasure yourself with a shoe
MrConcise 35
Sold, now tell me how to do it if I have a penis.
MrConcise 35
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Heels are long and thick for a reason. Because women and transvestites like not being able to walk. What'd you think I was talking about, pervert?
stingray112 24
Do whatever works I guess which in this case it's himself (assuming it's a guy)
DocBastard 40
The Internet has made it possible for anything to be a sexual object. Even me. Rule 34: NO exceptions.
MrConcise 35
Oh dear, do I have to look up Docbastard **** now?
MrConcise 35
Google was not very helpful, my search wasn't the least bit fruitful.