Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom and slipped on some soap on the floor while I was washing my hands. As I fell, I grabbed the nearest thing to break my fall, which happened to be the hand dryer. It fell off the wall and hit me in the face. FML
Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML
Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML
Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML
Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML
Today, I was changing a flat tire on my car when it fell off the jack and crushed my hand. After ripping my hand free and waiting 2 hours for AAA, I get to go find out if my hand is broken. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I was doing my laundry when I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML
Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML
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Top comments
stupidirish 0
you sound like a darwin award winner. if you don't know what that is, google it and you'll see exactly what i mean. OP: please do not reproduce.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Here are three.
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Comments (128)
YourFallout 0
I thought she ment hair dryer i was likr how and the hell did that get in there?!??!!
asteroth 8
You're supposed to turn it off first.
boner_93 2
thats what she said.
ghostwitch1863 0
#2 is fugly!
RiiAbaby 0
Has it occurred to anyone that the PLASTIC toy melted and therefore stuck? so why would it matter if the dryer was on or off? Regardless how it got in there because I doubt it was on purpose.
pschafe1 0
dryer: 1 you: 0
eybabay191 0
I really doubt that's true if your typing on fml with it
hinkypunk_666 0
#93, I have two hands, and I went to get it checked and treated first.
cindylicious24 9
ever heard of turning the dryer off first?
The__Redneck 7
Well... you're operational, the dryer isn't. So maybe you're hurting, but you sure kicked its ass!!
maddy23a 5
round 1 goes to the dryer
DannyIsAFish 0
What is that, the 3rd house hold appliance to kick your ass this week? By the end of the month, you'll be a goner. :