Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom and slipped on some soap on the floor while I was washing my hands. As I fell, I grabbed the nearest thing to break my fall, which happened to be the hand dryer. It fell off the wall and hit me in the face. FML
Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML
Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML
Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML
Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML
Today, I was changing a flat tire on my car when it fell off the jack and crushed my hand. After ripping my hand free and waiting 2 hours for AAA, I get to go find out if my hand is broken. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I was doing my laundry when I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML
Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML
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Top comments
stupidirish 0
you sound like a darwin award winner. if you don't know what that is, google it and you'll see exactly what i mean. OP: please do not reproduce.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Here are three.
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Comments (128)
hinkypunk_666 0
18, my brother dropped it in there.
maryamd 3
#2 just cause ur 14 doesn't mean u can be a bitch by the way im 14 too
kogar 0
#2 is ugly
kogar 0
im 14 and i can honestly say im a bitch to people, just to pwn
mzhonesty 0
Why is there a toy car in your dryer? Do you have children, or something?
intolerance 0
that's gay that's not even worth saying fml it's like lolzz
Darkhumor 0
Wow that sucks, why didn't you find osmething to chisel/lever it off with? I understand not everybody has a crowbar at home, but you could try stabbing it with something solid like a pair of scissors, pen, or knife to get it off. And I hope you feel better reading everyone hatin on #2, I totally feel sorry for your nails (Use a tool next time, work smarter, not harder!)
ZombieKitteh 8
sounds like you kicked its ass. high five!
XxMoonGirlAshomi 0
dryers r incompitable divices
cowboydinosaur 0
Why didn't you use a tool like the evolved primate that you are? Tools are like... human's thing. Scrape the damn thing off with a fork or screwdriver. Why would you ever reason to put your hands anywhere near something that has melted from intense heat? Was it on fire? Why was the first thing you jumped to use your fingers on it? This story is full of ****.