Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom and slipped on some soap on the floor while I was washing my hands. As I fell, I grabbed the nearest thing to break my fall, which happened to be the hand dryer. It fell off the wall and hit me in the face. FML
Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML
Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML
Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML
Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML
Today, I was changing a flat tire on my car when it fell off the jack and crushed my hand. After ripping my hand free and waiting 2 hours for AAA, I get to go find out if my hand is broken. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I was doing my laundry when I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML
Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML
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Top comments
stupidirish 0
you sound like a darwin award winner. if you don't know what that is, google it and you'll see exactly what i mean. OP: please do not reproduce.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Here are three.
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Comments (128)
lickmyjock 0
Let me bend u over, then you'll hurt.
dumbhaters 0
What the ****. Does saying that make you feel big? You probably have a pin...
katelynnn20 0
more like a tic tac
aardvarkish 17
Did it even occur to you that you might need a fire axe for this?
iamchuck 0
Dumb cow. Dryer repair is man's work, but at least you were trying to get where you could do women's work.
Vitamin_C 0
The little girl in your picture has an awesome future in store with a role model like you around. You should shackle her to the kitchen sink now, get her used to it.
MF12 0
.... I don't know, the phrase "dumb cow" has always bothered me more than say, "idiot", "dipshit", "********"... anyone else?
iamchuck 0
It wouldn't If you weren't a cow
Purple_monkey313 0
sorry to let you know times have changed and women can do just as much as guys now a days
okieraider71 4
OP-- You used the wrong tools! There are very few problems in the world that can not be solved with a good pair of combat boots, a clean weapon and a sharp knife. Go to You Tube and watch the washing machine eat a hand grenade. It will make you feel a lot better.
amiemariej 0
WTF? how does this even happen?
lickmyjock 0
must not be married to a woman yet...
amiemariej 0
the OP is a woman
haha123321 0
I think 37 was refering to 34.
Devolver 0
well, you know what they say about women behind the wheel, especially when it comes to parking.
Naughty1234 0
http://tinyurl.com/yz7dyfs//becca/index.php?id=1d2151d46aece18b1becd516ec459745
yungstunna1 0
19 is probably a pedophile
YaMumHasAntlers 0
OH MY GOD!! It's gona ******* eatchaaaa
canyouwangchung 0
sounds like your foot should be stuck in your sons ass.
hinkypunk_666 0
my brother, but yeah.
nutmeg29 0
That dryer whipped your arse! XD