Today, my girlfriend is pissed at me and crying that I bodyshamed her. She wants to do that cutesy shit of wearing my clothes and hoodies but she outweighs me by more than 50lbs. I’ve offered to buy her hoodies and spray my cologne on them for her, but I guess that’s not good enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw a bitch fit about her clothes not fitting and how she’s “so fat” to the point of storming out of the house when I asked her to please calm down. Just a couple of hours earlier, we'd ordered food and she ordered a salad, then asked to trade my burger and fries with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend always assures me she doesn’t care if I’m a little overweight, yet in the past few weeks she’s bought me running shorts, new trainers, a set of professional barbells and weights, a "how to lose weight in your living room" book and installed a treadmill in the garage. FML
Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and her friends mocked my "fragile masculinity" because I bought men's body wash instead of sharing her body wash. Her body wash is full of glitter, which irritates my skin horribly. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 5 years dumped me because she got tired of me being thinner than her and, in her own words, making her look bad. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML
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Top comments
FluffythePink 23
If you love her, you say nothing. You just 'find' (buy) a hoodie in her size and wear it in the evenings/weekends round the house and wait for her to happily to steal it. Go to a second hand place and pretend it's been in the bottom of the cupboard/basement/attic since you were a teenager.
Yudith 28
You could do the cutesy thing of wearing her clothes and hoodie instead.
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Comments (2)
FluffythePink 23
If you love her, you say nothing. You just 'find' (buy) a hoodie in her size and wear it in the evenings/weekends round the house and wait for her to happily to steal it. Go to a second hand place and pretend it's been in the bottom of the cupboard/basement/attic since you were a teenager.
Yudith 28
You could do the cutesy thing of wearing her clothes and hoodie instead.