Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have a condition that when I get nervous, I get horrible diarrhea. I was taking an online math test worth a huge portion of my grade when I felt the rumble. Turning off the camera is an automatic fail, so I had to take my laptop to the bathroom with me. The teacher kicked me out of class. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I was prescribed medicine for anxiety. Without it, my stomach churns all day. With it, I shake uncontrollably and my eyes twitch. Now I have to choose between diarrhea and rude stares from people in public. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML
Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML
Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML
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Top comments
FerrariCake 2
Look at the upside... you could be a superhero, like the incredible hulk. Except instead of turning big and muscular when you get angry, you shoot toxic shit out your ass when you get nervous. Start writing your comic book adventures and get rich. In the meantime, avoid job interviews and public speaking.
Faithful_Jewel 0
That's one very unfortunate condition. Virtual hugs for you :( Very FML.
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Comments (102)
ArthursLifeSucks 2
You poor bastard
EWKHou 0
Wear Pampers and take meditation classes.
Ajjas013 6
Get it? Shit happens? Shit? Haha.
mauseum 0
Well thats shitty. ZING
Ajjas013 6
Enough with your cliche zings.
GrkGrl 0
I've had the same thing for the past 5 years (i'm only 20). I was diagnosed with IBS. My doctor told me to eat a high fiber diet which has helped out a lot along with taking imodium if i feel sick or to prevent it from happening when i need to go to certain places. Hope you find something that works for you soon
misspeg 0
u must be skinny
FarSide 23
Lay off the Colon Blow cereal for a few weeks.
ryan0221 0
atleast ur gonna lose maaad weight
hunterjumper24 0
I know what your feeling..well, not anymore, but I had a severe case of IBD when I was 10 and right now I'm in between my 2nd and 3rd surgery to get rid of my colon. Imagine having in middle school and high school. When you do get anxious about it, you will have to go RIGHT away, certain foods make it worst and medicines help..but for me they didn't, hence the surgeries....good luck and I'm sorry, it really is a terrible thing to have.
vapors 0
OP here, I've had this quite a while, only now I some bugger actually diagnosed me, IBS ofcourse. I've had it for few years, mainly throughout school, man everytime you have too hold an oralpresentation or have a test you better do it quickly because that builds up extremely fast. Thanks for all the pointers and hits, but I've already checked out everyone of them. Appreciate it though. I am envious of all you people with the golden rectums!
missababgaga 19
likewise! I've had Ulcerative Colitis for 5 years now. pain in the ass, Litterally!
PSyesinthatway 0
i wonder what the logic behind that is, like when u get nervous is your body like "oh man this is making me nervous i better get explosive squirts just to be safe"
vapors 0
I've always thought of it as an defencive act from my body, whenever I'm in a tough position my body gives me an excuse too get out of it. Because violent diarrhea is always excusable.