Today, after noticing weight gain, I purchased an ab belt. Despite no gym for around a year now, I assumed I could easily sustain an advanced level workout and put the belt on maximum strength. The first shock catapulted me off my feet and smacked my head into the wall, leaving a noticeable dent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML
Today, I got on a treadmill for the first time. I was running at a very high speed. I needed a break but didn't know how to get off. I decided to just let the machine take me to the edge so I could get off. I was thrown off the treadmill and landed with my happy sacks crashing into a dumbbell. FML
Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML
Today, I went to my gym and tried a new workout machine that had just been installed. I set the weight too high and ended up stuck halfway through a lift, making weird struggling noises. Most people around me stopped and stared as I awkwardly dropped the weights. FML
Today, I was running at the gym, feeling like a fitness influencer. I increased the treadmill speed to “sprint” mode. My shoelace got caught in the belt, and I was launched backward into a rack of yoga mats, knocking them over like bowling pins. FML
Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML
Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML
Today, I went to the gym after months of procrastinating. I walked straight into the glass wall next to the entrance instead of the door. A guy lifting near the front desk winced in sympathy. I still worked out, but I could see my face slowly swelling in the mirror. FML
Today, I stretched really hard when I woke up, only to feel something twang. This was followed by a really sharp pain. Thinking I'd given myself a hernia, I got up to check myself in the mirror, and was repulsed by the bulge I saw hanging out of my gut. Then I realised it was just my own flab. FML
Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML
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Top comments
Sady_Ct 38
Noticeable dent in what? Your head or the wall?
RichardPencil 32
You know what you get when you ASSUME -- you make an ASS out of U and ME. You may have made an ass out of me, but at least I don't have a dent in my head!
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
You know what you get when you ASSUME -- you make an ASS out of U and ME. You may have made an ass out of me, but at least I don't have a dent in my head!
Sady_Ct 38
Noticeable dent in what? Your head or the wall?
RichardPencil 32
I'm assuming his head. But, then again, we've discussed the perils of assuming.
BurnInDemonFire 39
You'd think starting out easy and working your way up would be common sense.
princess_stabitty 20
Oh well, who would have thought that after a year of no gym, the belt would have catapulted you like that?
DrSamba1 8
Was the dent in the wall or on your head? 🤣🤣🤣
IHaveThePower 18
And thus we learn the first lesson: Read The User Manual.