Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML
Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML
Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML
Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Stop forcing your nuts on women and we won't have this problem, hm?
threeputtgreen 0
no means no
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (375)
Synchestra_fml 2
Well, now you know for sure she's definitely not into you.
ItecKid 0
Wow, you're an asshole. I probably would have asked for my money back if you put peanuts on my ice cream.
jdannyl 0
It is your fault, but it's also her fault. How do you not notice nuts sprinkled on your ice cream? Did she just close her eyes and throw it down her throat? You're both idiots, so with that logic maybe you would be good together, ask her out.
gambol 10
It could've been one of those places where they mix stuff into your ice cream. THEREFORE HIDDEN PEANUTS
kira1kira 0
y would u even asume she likes peanuts?? they're gross
satanstoystore 0
ydi. want to impress women? pull your head out of your rectum, stop imagining what they want and start listening to what they say- and give it to them. its really not difficult. hope you get fired, what you did is assault.
AshleyRose784 0
you should always ask with something so highly allergenic, hope she was ok
therealmike 0
Wow, what an asshole. Just assume you know better than the customer what they want? Here's some advice: don't work in any customer-facing situation again, and don't get a girlfriend. If any mildly attractive female triggers a response in which you refuse to respect their wishes, then you need to stay away!
Darrian 2
You should always give the customer what they ask for. What part of "no" didn't you understand? I'm not allergic, but if you'd put peanuts on my ice cream after I told you I didn't want them I'd probably have kicked your ass and/or thrown the ice cream at you, since I don't like peanuts on ice cream.
CosmicPossum 2
Someone has anger issues.
proud_liberal 0
I bet OP is a republican. were u trying to kill her bc she's black and you hate us?
Intoxicunt 6
Please, please die. You fail at trolling. You shouldn't stereotype people and then scold them for stereotyping. Next time, troll better. ****.
plexico 4
Someone read this one to me aloud and I thought they said "penis." I wondered what his profession was where he could sell his penis for fifty cents. When they got to the part about the ambulance, I thought "Dude, you must be hung like a horse." Then, when it said she was allergic, I thought it meant she was a lesbian. Then, I read it and found it is was just "peanuts" -- not nearly as funny.
redbluegreen 41
I'm glad to know someone reads things like I do. Or hears them as I do. I'm still the only one who reads/hears tentacles as testicles. D:
plexico 4
RBG, I play a lot of tennis, and I don't know if you are familiar with the rules and etiquette, but before you start a point you have to have two balls. So you are often asking your opponent if he has two balls or telling him (or her -- that's even funnier) that you have two balls. I've been playing so long, I should stop giggling at this, but I can't, I just can't!
BeeSkwaird 0
Apparently the OP tried to sell them for half a penny (not fifty cents). Weird.
redbluegreen 41
I used to play guitar, and whenever I heard something about the G string... Oh god. So much fun, honestly. Same things with violin. I could/should never be a music teacher.
allmidnighteyes 11
Meh, playing guitar is like masturbating anyways. With most people, it's just them running their hand up and down a piece of hard wood for x amount of time until the end when you have a mess nobody wants to see or clean up. Only few can make an art out of it.
plexico 4
The big difference is that one is not enjoyable until your build up calluses and the other is enjoyable until you build up calluses. I'll leave it to you to figure which is which.