Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML
Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend…" FML
Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I didn't have one. She said "Exactly." FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML
Today, it's been since 2014 that I've been looking for a girlfriend, and the average response I've gotten was no. Today I got, "Ew, hell no." FML
Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML
Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML
Today, you know how people say, “The worst thing she can say is ‘No’” when asking a girl out? I found out the hard way that that's a bold faced lie. I asked and she said, “Yeah, I’d rather use a freshly cut jalapeño as a tampon!” then burst into hysterical laughter. FML
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Top comments
imustbeinsane 2
Now you got 100 problems and a bitch is one
StoryOfTheYear 15
YDI?
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Comments (191)
OfficeNinja 5
You just figured that out? Really? Were you dropped on your head at birth? Don't worry - if she is as dumb as you she will forget she asked you, and you will have another chance to say something idiotic. Then, you can spawn moron kids and keep the family bloodlines going.
perdix 31
Is one of those problems "having an attractive exterior, but a dead soul?"
fmyaccount94 4
Please be kidding ._.
Abrien 8
My my I can't see how that did not sway the woman, that ingenious line you laid out was near enough for me to begin doubting my sexuality, leave my wife and beg for you to take me. Again I say, how could she resist!
SierraD 0
Personally, I would have high-fived and given you a 10 just for timing and reference... Just saying
MyPerspective 4
Obviously!! You stupid or something?
RedPillSucks 33
Gotta write that one down in the list of "Worst pickup lines in the world" this replaces the #1 "Your pants are so shiny, I can see myself in them" line.
nikkirenn 6
You sir, are a complete moron. And that explains why you don't have a girlfriend.
nateiztite 5
this seems like something Steve from American dad would say
WeAreScrewed 3
78- lol'ed.