Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML
Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend…" FML
Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I didn't have one. She said "Exactly." FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML
Today, it's been since 2014 that I've been looking for a girlfriend, and the average response I've gotten was no. Today I got, "Ew, hell no." FML
Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML
Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML
Today, you know how people say, “The worst thing she can say is ‘No’” when asking a girl out? I found out the hard way that that's a bold faced lie. I asked and she said, “Yeah, I’d rather use a freshly cut jalapeño as a tampon!” then burst into hysterical laughter. FML
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Top comments
imustbeinsane 2
Now you got 100 problems and a bitch is one
StoryOfTheYear 15
YDI?
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Comments (191)
onedayinamsterda 14
that line is pretty catchy though! have u guys even heard the track?
EmmyBabe_fml 0
Have YOU ever heard this track? Or do you not see the lyrics posted all over?
GP14brBaller 5
106 just won. end of statement
bagleface 6
That's awesome
perdix 31
My guess is that Problem #1 is Misogyny?
RedPillSucks 33
Nah! cause Misogyny is a bitch, and clearly he stated that a "a bitch aint one of them" Unless he meant that a bitch is problems 2 through 99, but not #1!!!
vitty_z 16
pretty sure jay-z is the only one who can get away with that.
monster_tamer 11
Your avatar. Rafiki's drawing of Simba?
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Looks like a delicious animal cracker.
vitty_z 16
yes it is :)
kayaker83 4
I just saw lion king today with my 3 yr old and recognized that! Lol
DynamicDave 11
If you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son! ...Oh wait, I guess you need to have a girl first. Well, I'll save my pity for someone else.
Androidz 0
I noticed your profile pic. Very appropriate for this FML.
Androidz 0
Oh shit, that was already posted. I'll bend over and take the thumbs down.
PSQ91 6
Dude, I love you :D
ikickgingers 15
Edit - wrong place
Enslaved 38
Did you put "it" in the wrong place again? Tsk tsk! ;)
ikickgingers 15
Accidentally replied to wrong fml. Lol. :). "it" is where "it" always is. Jeez. Op rocks!!! Stay on topic ikg!!!
Enslaved 38
That's right! On topic! If not......deletion! I enjoyed being teacher's pet for the other FML! Too bad it went *poof* Ummm.....yeah, that 99 problem song...ummmm..... I got nothing! Oh, wait! I wonder if JayZ still thinks that way with a prego Beyonce. Midnight fried chicken runs, don't sound fun.(:
JoeLouisBomber 9
Dumbass
stevenmx86 8
Woah, bro. You're too funny... OP you stupid douche...
mbuck87 19
You wanker.