Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML
Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
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Top comments
slitherbomb 0
At least it wasn't a naked man slithering across your kitchen floor…
cbaidchris 6
Snaaaaake, snaaaaaake, ohhhhh itttssss aaa snaaaaake...
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Comments (168)
slitherbomb 0
At least it wasn't a naked man slithering across your kitchen floor…
kings1fan 6
I would rather see a snake than a slithering naked guy hahah
pickles1994 18
If only it was a naked girl.... Shit would go down ;)
slitherbomb 0
cool..............
Iamnotmyself 17
Reminds me of my 1 inch, no one ever finds it when it slips in the cabinets.
slitherbomb 0
24, wat? Wat are you talking about? Hop off ma comment!
Iamnotmyself 17
-27 let me finish with your mom
heyguysitsjosh 8
At least it wasn't Rosie odonell slithering across your florr or in you cabinets...
chuckychan 8
thumbs this comment up
slitherbomb 0
...but I love Rosie O'donnel......
AaronTkr 0
#27: it's not your comment anymore. first comment on an FML usually belongs to everyone who wants to be seen at the top.
iLikeReadingFMLs 2
-55 Three is a lot worse
thanks_asshole 2
I said... I'm SICK of these motherfuckin snakes inthis motherfuckin house
steveakafranxy 7
#59 you killed it
stinewd 9
It was Voldemort's snake, Nagini..?
genesisnirvana 11
74-time to get Neville Longbottom on the job then
luvtheknot 6
I know something worse...The Holocaust.
schpanki 11
You know what's worse than a snake on your kitchen floor? The holocaust. Man that sucked.
upyourzlolz 11
At least it wasn't a baslisk.
hyperdrive 4
Holocaust jokes are overrated, anne frankely they're a bit old.
ThEKID96 4
The worst of them all is a snake slithering into your cabinets. Then it slithers onto you during sex, and then you get arrested because of the up coming Obama holocaust...
MannUP 1
If you give a snake a cookie, it will want to stay in your cabinets.
cdninf 4
I'm tired of these motherfuckin' snakes on my motherfuckin' floor.
eminemchick 19
thank god for epic movie
rabbittboi 18
102 ~ I'm assuming inbreeding caused your comment?
juicedboi 7
It's slithering around your neighbourhood, snatching up everybody. So hide your kids, your wives, and hide your husbands!
ohSNAPyall 27
...cuz they snakin everybody out there?
XxDancerGirlxX 17
^Win!!
disconinja924 5
95, those are lizards...... chinese water dragons/ water basilisks.
cbaidchris 6
Snaaaaake, snaaaaaake, ohhhhh itttssss aaa snaaaaake...
NeonBlack 0
BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER
chuckychan 8
Mushroom mushroooooooommmmmmm!
AaronTkr 0
*Sigh* So… the cycle continues.
steveakafranxy 7
Guess I got my badger back
GamerMaster2041 12
Kiss it and it will leave. OR better catch snakes tail. it paralizes them =D
Isoldael 27
Since when? If I catch my snake's tail it'll just turn around and bite me cause they don't like being handled there.
pieintheface 0
I caught a snake on the tail, it crapped on me
elmojoe 0
You're a retard I grab my snake by the tail every day and she still moves
maz_irken 6
I can just see your kid opening his box of cereal in the morning.
hiyourcute 0
That would be a pants-******** moment if ever there was one.
kelsey_katie 17
I can totally see that happening....... ew... I'd probably shit bricks if that happened..
slitherbomb 0
A real pants ******** situation is eating Indian food....
MrPositive 0
"Mommy I'm gonna have some fruit loo- WHAT THE F**K IS THIS!!!!"
LordGoober 13
When did they start putting toys in the cereal again?? " Mommy look I got a toy snake!!!"
ladiesman219 4
Atleast u won't have rodents ^.^
Newboyz00185 0
....Or your pets...
whoisthisgirl 4
I have nothing witty to say :(
Amrel 10
Dont worry i have a solution call this fake that should get you some attention:)
TaylorTotsYumm 10
FAKE AND GAY.
bthomas0319 2
Who is this girl?
jessyrodgers 0
So then say nothing at all
eminemchick 19
nothing at all
MrPositive 0
Stupid people like you never have anything to say
jtrem26 2
Mushroom! Mushroom!
ChickenInMyKitch 4
Stupid Slitherins casting spells on them muggles!
therealjb99 7
Foster the People are the best!!!
ChickenInMyKitch 4
Yes they are 45! yes they are :)
hiyourcute 0
MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE!
IWarnedYou 0
Hahaha
MufMuf_fml 5
I motherfucking love you for that. and etf. :D
hiyourcute 0
... Thanks 122:)
GamerMaster2041 12
ThIS IS FUNNY because yesterday i saw a guy entering his house and then screaming when he saw a snake slithering in his kitchen and then it hide in cabinet.
blacksswan 10
Were you spying on him? Creep.
blacksswan 10
Hid not hide.