Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML
Today, it's my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML
Today, I was at a job interview when my phone started ringing. It was my mom, so I quickly hit "Ignore", which was probably for the best since she was obviously drunk. She left a voicemail in which she sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It's not my birthday. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, after being in the hospital for two days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday. I sang the Birthday song off-key but in a spirited way, before she interrupted to say, “My birthday was yesterday.” She then added, “By the way, your ex remembered, and I think we're besties now.” FML
Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML
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Top comments
xyzstephzyx 0
best friend...? Yeah, right. punch her in the mouth, that *****. happy birthday!
Aetius_fml 0
At least you have a cool dentist
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Comments (465)
lolwhat_fml 0
FIRST OWNED
easylazy 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your dentist is a douche you should break up with him and punch his gf's brains out
Sunbolt 0
the dentist? he seems like the nice one.
zanguard 0
get with your dentist lol
joce445 0
your dentist pwns
ChelseaXD 0
Hey atleat your dentist cares :D
missmontreal97 4
OMG. FYL your bestfriend is a ***** and ur fiancees an asshole
gorina 0
Yay. Lesbian sex.
hawkhez01 13
you should throw the ring at you fiancé's head! OP you spelled 'fiancé' wrong no extra 'e'
monstaber 6
yeah he's right fiancé: man fiancée: woman
newmanlyman3 8
go out with the dentist to get a good lawyer to keep the ring then pawn it.
whohasanaccount 2
Could be two girls...
xyzstephzyx 0
best friend...? Yeah, right. punch her in the mouth, that *****. happy birthday!
sandmanbentley 0
Punch her in the mouth, then give her the number to your dentist. Call him ahead of time say hi to make it as painful as possible.
emilyxoxo2 0
Hahahaha it's your birthday which means its your day to do whatever...(:
MikaykayUnicorn 36
She better hasn't given the ring back. Just sell it and beat up your fiancee & friend.
random_man1999 11
#435, "friend"
sabrinaishere 0
awww :( but happy birthday!
22cute 17
Keep the ring, OP and treat yourself to a nice birthday surprise.
Satoaoi 13
it's not all her fault yes she's a ***** and so is her now ex fiance
Aetius_fml 0
At least you have a cool dentist
naughtynurse88 0
agree
FBIWarning 0
i wish my dentist did that, lucky
Kimmy3214 9
Your dentist doesn't do that? My dentistry records all of their kids' birthdays and on their birthday, they post on their website, happy birthday (insert name here) and a brief little message, just to make their day, in case it wasn't going so good.
pinkducttape 0
that sucks. at least you don't have to go through a divorce and have a chance to have a wedding with a better guy. I hope you have some cake and ice cream - happy birthday heres to a better year. Oh, and don't give the ring back - go pawn it. he did give it to you so do what you want with it.
Darth_Draco 0
wait- isn't a fiancee a girl, but you're referring to her as a he...????
captainmarshall1 0
it can be used either way, a girl talking about her to-be husband or the other way around
cierraxxmist 0
fiancée refers to a girl dumbass. fiancé refers to a guy
RebeccaP2010 0
Jeez... you don't have to be mean about it!! I swear, all of the copius levels of hate and agression in this world will lead you no where in life.
Bebbo_fml 21
#7 has a point. Keep that ring and pawn it! it was a gift after all. Also, I'm jealous of your dentist, Happy b-lated!
kandii_kidd 0
#7 said he because op referred to her fiancee as a he
Shadow4i5 3
is spelling all that important? I would like to think that we all kno wat she means
Sutaru 5
I agree. You can sell it on idonowidont.com. It'll get you a better price than pawning it will.
DaniPandi 22
Guys... It says the OP is female and the "fiancée" is a "he".
T1A2Z3 35
I thought you couldn't sell engagement rings because it's a conditional gift?
nomadxx7 0
@lolwhat You're an idiot for having to post 'first'... I hope your comment gets moderated. As for the OP.... that definitely sucks. Keep your head up high and realize that there is someone better for you out there. Ditch the friend since she can't seem to keep her priorities straight. Also find a hot friend of your boyfriend and have a field day with him ( or a younger brother or your ex's father). Nothing like a little vengence from a woman scorned.
hawaii_love 0
What a crappy best friend and ex-fiance. Sounds like the lowlifes deserve each other. Don't give the ring back if he cheated!! Sell it an go on a sweet ass vacation to celebrate your birthday! :)
killerbeee01 0
true! 9 u're pretty!
markymark1429 8
and you're Asian!
bortzy93 0
sorry to hear that :( from all your friends from fml.com (that you don't really know lol); HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
ehojung 0
thats the real canadian man rite there eh ? :)
Allster 0
bs