Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded, "It's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML
Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
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Top comments
georgia_fml 0
I guess you've got more mowing to do then!
cactus_fml 0
So trim your pubes. No biggie. ;)
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Comments (167)
Ranoona 0
haha that sucks
AdmanRulz 0
but only for him!
bloodthorn 4
YDI for having a girlfriend
billchilled 0
@41 your lame because you don't have one
Rakayum 0
worst fml ever.
yeahsurre 0
hahaha, thats funny. but lame at the same time.. idk
FarSide 23
What she was trying to say was "If your schlong was longer, I could not get your hair stuck in my teeth".
ms_nobody 0
She could be sucking on his balls not necessarily his dick
lolololololololl 0
#42 neither do you ******* fagget, go **** yourself hang yourself u piece of shit
pu13 5
aw don't you just hate it when your girlfrend gets the grass in ur frontlawn stuck in her teeth
georgia_fml 0
Oh dear lol.
KumoFF7 3
that blows.
Poonheart 0
Wait, wait, wait... YOU GUYS DO UNDERSTAND THAT HER TEETH CAN ONLY GET CAUGHT IN HIS PUBES IF SHE GOES ALL THE WAY DOWN, MEANING THAT HE HAS A TINY PENIS.
evlbb2 2
or she can throat :p
mister_moops 0
why is his dick your main focus?
Moms_Bestfriend 0
it doesnt matter if his penis is small the thing that matters is where the penis goes ^.^
xxbadassbitchxx 0
LAWL!!!
georgia_fml 0
I guess you've got more mowing to do then!
wbrycem 0
#48, that is called "gender equality" Yeah. I dig the double standard upheld by women, as well.
hunny_kat 0
I agree. Women think no one should be allowed to tell them what to do.
genius_man16 1
hear hear #48!! Double standards rule!! personally if my gf doesn't shave i won't, even if she asks, unless she's willing to start shaving too, then i'll be fine
BrianA1993 0
Hopefully, not with the Lawn Mower he referred to O_o That would be a tad painful!
spiltstars 0
I've never seen it this way. In those FMLs, the majority of people were telling her to shave... they didn't tell him to, just her. I've never heard the double standard put this way. It's usually the girls who do and the guys who don't, and the girls have to put up with it.
DameGreyWulf 1
Yeah, it usually is considered more gross when the girls don't shave than the guys. Hairy balls look like old man balding, though lol @OP: FYL because she didn't say anything before. Seriously, if she has an issue, then she needs to say so, or just not mouth your balls.
regalarius 0
#48 - My two cents: nobody's under any compulsion to do that, but *I* won't go down on a girl if she doesn't shave - my nose runs and I feel icky. Only part of her body I don't want hair to be, though. So it seems fair to me for the reverse to happen as well. If the hair is getting in your partner's way, then either remove it or expect them to stay away from it. If it;'s not, hey, do whatever.
cactus_fml 0
So trim your pubes. No biggie. ;)
PokeyStix 3
EXACTLY
Sycops 0
If I'm comfortable with the fact that my girlfriend doesn't mow the lawn, then why should I have to? I like that the OP is actually comfortable with himself as is and doesn't feel he needs to mow his lawn...well at least he was comfortable. That sucks for you OP, I hope all works out well for you.
diet_otaku 0
your preferences in her pubic hair are different than her preferences in your pubic hair. if a guy is fine with me shaving or not shaving, whatever, but i'm still going to prefer that HE keep his trimmed for the same reason the OP's gf mentioned. do you know how awkward and disgusting it is to go down on a guy and have to stop because you got a big gnarly pubic hair caught on the back of your tongue?
katsuku 5
I have had my fair share of nasty pubes stuck in my mouth going down on girls too. It goes both ways.
wrestling49 0
HIGH FIVE to #88!!!
FarSide 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Shaving the beaver is not like shaving the boys. Women have NOTHING to loose, and hell, if you cut or nick it... so what? It's not like you are not used to bleeding.... But shaving around a wrinkled sack of balls is very serious business, and takes tremendous skill.
adriane209 0
lol, I agree!
nokel11 7
right because cutting the labia is TOTALLY the same feeling as our period you ******* retard.
kaengle 5
agreed 154 its no fun.
WhySoMad 0
That's nasty I bet ur girl is like chewbacca down there
ballerdudeee 4
What? ...its called electric shaver
mike1921 0
lol, I think you should take the hint :P .
charliethom 0
1. Why are you mowing a lawn and texting 2. Whats the problem just shave 3. This is good you got advice
timtam24 0
I'm surprised she didn't say anything before
redbluegreen 41
Is your life that uneventful that you have to inform your girlfriend about your chores? God. Your short flash of embarrassment is won over by the fact that you're still getting head.
angelienie 0
REALLY? You need to learn to think outside the box... this FML TOTALLY makes sense in couple different concepts; the couple could have already been in the midst of a conversation and she might have asked him what he's up to... maybe they had plans to hang out but it had to be postponed because he had a chore to do. BESIDES, it's FUNNY. Let a little humor into your life, you'll live longer.
sireen 0
hahaha take a razor and mow that as well.
itman3456 0
you don't use razors!!!!! owww shit bro
pinkishgirl 0
haha, time to trim that bush. sucks for you. YDI for having a bush.
Broteth 0
Nice to hear that you have such fascinating topics to discuss with your girlfriend.
chinolatino 0
Some 12 year old here doesn't understand the reference...