Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML
Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML
Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year-old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML
Today, I found out that my great-grandmother was a cougar, seducing men who were barely older than I am now. I did not need to know this information. Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML
Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML
Today, my grandmother is upset I won't lie to the police for her and is now claiming that I'm involved in the Mafia. FML
Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML
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Top comments
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Why are you thinking about your grandma having sex?
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Ask to join her posse. Meet some new people
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Comments (97)
Jessa91 10
Maybe you should be spending more time with granny!
elly94 23
Lol that just became a favourite FML. You have a granny like that movie Hoodwinked or something like that..
reymon8823 24
Or the granny in Madagascar lol
jw90 18
Then go out and make something of yourself.
cosicosei 22
...please tell me she has no teardrops... Icer granny?
TheDrifter 24
I'd imagine she's retired by now, more of a source of wisdom for new club ladies than a hardcore party girl.
misspulkadot24 17
Your grandma sounds like Napoleon Dynamite's grandma. I bet she makes a damn good quesadilla.
corporatescoundr 25
This person has to be related to my wife!!!! Her grandma just joined a biker gang a few months ago.
kdm_km1 19
you're probably obese or something
Mshrodes 13
Come on. I'd love to have a grandma like that. As for your own life, 32 years-old is nothing, hopefully you have a lifetime ahead of you, so get back up ! and hey, telling your grandma's story would be a great way to meet new people. I'd want to be your friend. (That comment was sponsored by Disney, Nicholas Sparks-based movies, and every other source of hope in the world)
mjbehnen 7
Why are you complaining on FML about this? If you're 32, single and making minimum wage: DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE IT. There are tons of jobs out there you can get, without a college degree, that pay more than minimum wage. If you wanna meet someone, go to a bar, go on match.com, go try to meet people. Stop throwing a pity party.