Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I was taking a number two at work and forgot to lock the door. One of the nurses opened the door, but the worst part is that she didn’t close it back all the way and I couldn’t reach it to close it back. FML
Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML
Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML
Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
F the life of the person that walked in on you and witnessed their own personal live version of "One Guy, One Cup."
Ranora 9
Next time just take a dump, and take a spoon to fill your cup. Or wacth 2girls1cup, they will teach you how to fill a cup.
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Comments (70)
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
I have to ask.... did you get any on ya? yes, that's a FML, no, then that's good aim!!
swagerific227 0
and ur tellin us this why?
xxxJORDYBEARxxx 0
just disgusting
MrCanoe 5
why didn't you just poop into the toilet and then just scooped a piece of poo out of the toilet with the cup?
islandz 0
"hi, oh what am I doing, oh I'm just taking a dump in a cup for some guys."
Mortanious 0
Here's a special reply for you my Lebanese friend: Shi Bikharre! ;)
babushkadoll 0
copy of a very similiar fml. you suck.
bls5301 2
the post was funny... the comment made my day.
JosiesPartyzHere 0
Wtf would you need a shit sample for? thats just plain disgusting seriously and next time dont forget to lock your door morons lol
jumping_duckie 0
HAHA this is hilarious