Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML
Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML
Today, I finally had lunch alone with the girl I like. It wasn't bad, but we had a few awkward silences. Still, I got home feeling proud that I’d actually managed to get some one-on-one time with her. But a little while later, my sister pointed out that I’d had a piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth the entire time. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML
Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML
Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML
Today, I found out why my fiancé waited for me to meet his family. We had dinner at their place, the women were not permitted to talk while the men were in the room, also no eye contact with the men, and we had to eat separately. He says he wants me to learn to be a good and decent wife from them. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ilikeurfmls 13
Why do you assume she would have sex with you?
doctorhook86 25
This FML smells like it was written by someone under age 20...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (218)
jvmb 0
Trying to get laid on the first dare, bro? hopefully you unclog the vein before you attempt to loose your virginity.
Josiah33 5
Banging on the first date. Not bad
ktparker 5
This will sound lame, but fam first. You have plenty of time to go on a date with this (or really any) girl. You may not have plenty of time to spend with your grandmother (sorry for the sad thought)
ben1020 6
You shouldn't go or if you really have to then tell here because I had to go see you instead of going on a date.
wubbazugg 5
YDI for assuming you'll get laid.
Mahtari 19
You weren't losing anything anyway.
1098765432 0
Quit being a panzy bitch and go with te girl dumbass
spottyblanket 8
How selfish are you? You should be glad to spend time with your grandmother, and FYI, not many girls 'put out' on the first date. You should want to be with the girl because you like her, not because ur expecting sex.
lemothelemon 14
I wish I could go to lunch with my grandma. Love her while you can, jackass.
0h_Boy 26
I second that
0h_Boy 26
You're just being cranky because you wanna "do it like they do on the Discovery Channel," & Grandmama ****-blocked you. If you were that adamant about getting laid, why not reschedule?