Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML
Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML
Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML
Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML
Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML
Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML
Today, my friend, who is gay, announced that he's getting married. I implored him to not invite my parents and (especially) my grandma, for reasons that I'm sure you can figure out, but he did anyway. Long story short, he's inconsolable. What excellent parents I have. FML
Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML
Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML
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Top comments
Imdead 0
Nice, I know how you feel. I'm 22 and single, so my grandmother is certain that I'm gay. I think it's kind of funny actually.
chloelovestoswim 6
yea but guys and he's a guy so it still implies gay
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Comments (21)
Amkii 0
lol What!? Maybe she said "Well, maybe all the (other) guys went on vacation!"?
chloelovestoswim 6
yea but guys and he's a guy so it still implies gay
suyci 0
that still wouldnt have to do anything with valentine #1
Amkii 0
#2, it could have something to do with Valentine's Day. Like, if everyone else went on vacation, that would explain why the submitter didn't have a date.
Imdead 0
Nice, I know how you feel. I'm 22 and single, so my grandmother is certain that I'm gay. I think it's kind of funny actually.
ZING_MASTER 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Here's what you do. Say "How's this for gay, granny?" and then jump her bones. **** her hard and long. She'll never call you a gay again.
Seegtease 0
Ah, gotta love the generation that got married at 14 and any later is proof of gayness!
grooverahul 0
haha grand moms still have a sense of humor!
Mannerheim 0
Dude, number nine is the number one funniest guy on this site. There is something about ******* your grandmother that just makes me squeal with giddy laughter. And another thing, my parents think I'm gay, but what they don't know is I only don't show them the girls I date, cause none of them have ever been white AND attractive at the same time!
Holybatman 16
WTF?!
johnson5300 0
i wish i had a abuela like that aka grandma
Water_fml 0
@ 13 I wish mine would lighten up.