Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML
Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML
Today, I was reading comments on an FML, and saw some made from my girlfriend's account. Now I know she's one of those people who say "Dump him!" even when the situation clearly doesn't warrant dumping. Looks like I might be in for a sudden breakup in the future. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML
Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML
Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML
Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML
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Top comments
lexuality 0
So your gf has a sense of humour? Oh you poor thing your life is ruined. Come on this isn't an fml. :)
anorexicbarbie 8
so?
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Comments (96)
anorexicbarbie 8
so?
dudeitsdanny 10
Agreed. You should have joined in and told them what yours was.
kayladance101 13
ok this isnt an fml but eww
juli1124 0
so!? how is this am fml at all??
chih 0
I just joined and I know this ain't an fml. epic fail to you, good sir, epic fail indeed.
johncow123 0
Aye this aint no ****** fail blog, get yo shit outta here! :D
Olsen97 0
WTF how did this fml be accsepted mine didnt i got shot in my balls with paintball, not only one bullet...
lexuality 0
So your gf has a sense of humour? Oh you poor thing your life is ruined. Come on this isn't an fml. :)
bc_ramirez08 0
How is this a FML?? Its annoying reading stupid stuff like this!
sadistmonkey 19
an FML should be more FML than this one but less FML than AIDS........if that made any sense at all
namnams 3
No. FMLs should just be funny stories at the expense of the person writing it. It doesn't matter how serious they are.
sadistmonkey 19
how exactly is this at the expense of the OP unless the OP is a whiny bitch?
BritishHobo 0
Yeah, it always pees me off when people's complaints on an FML are 'this didn't ruin your life'. Oh, sorry, would you rather be on a website full of people who watched a friend die, or caught a terminal illness, or some other soul-destroying horrifying experience? It's a funny site, and it always has been.
Norwegian_Wood 4
BAHAHAHAHA. That's hilarious. Not sure how its an FML, but I'm sure some guys would be mildly disturbed by how much some girls share with each other. xD
24788 7
That's some weird humor I must say.
sunshyne84_fml 0
I don't get it...
8trickster8 0
Same, "dumps they take to common transportation" makes no sense to me =/
cjammer 0
They compare their bowel movements to transportation. Heard of similes and metaphors? Kind of like someone saying, "That Saint Bernard is as big as a house!" (which is a simile), or "That Saint Bernard is a house!" (which is a metaphor). Here they're saying, "My shit is as big as/came out as fast as/looks just like a coach bus", or in terms of a metaphor (and accurate to the FML), "My shit is a coach bus." Hence the start of the comparison. "They take" is part of the clause in "the dumps they take", as in "bowel movements they have". I think you guys are mistakenly reading it as "...dumps they bring with them onto common transportation" instead of "[using a metaphor/simile, compare: the dumps (that they take) ---> common transportation." I honestly hope this helps. If it sounds jagged and disoriented, that's because I couldn't stop laughing throughout this episode of Shit English 101.
johnsonchicklet 0
hahahah you are my hero for that explanation hahahaha
perdix 31
They probably use the same system to describe their boyfriends penises, Mr. Dinghy. You may want to avoid anal when "water taxi" makes its appearance.
_sourpatchkid 0
hahaha yeeeess! I LIKE THIS!!! at least she didn't liken her poo to the starship enterprise. Then you would have had an FML on at least two levels.
perdix 31
Another bad one: The Exxon Valdez. An enormous supertanker with an oily discharge.
Sappheyes 0
Likening it to the Starship Enterprise? "It boldly went where no man has gone before."
jmeg_fml 0
my last one was like a little fleet of VW Bugs.
tyrellaraven 0
that's disgusting......
Phallus_fml 0
that's probably the stupidest fml I have ever read. what was it about anyway? dumb.