Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML
Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML
Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML
Today, I was reading comments on an FML, and saw some made from my girlfriend's account. Now I know she's one of those people who say "Dump him!" even when the situation clearly doesn't warrant dumping. Looks like I might be in for a sudden breakup in the future. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML
Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML
Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML
Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML
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Top comments
lexuality 0
So your gf has a sense of humour? Oh you poor thing your life is ruined. Come on this isn't an fml. :)
anorexicbarbie 8
so?
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Comments (96)
pjfromok 0
This is NOT an FML. If there is an FML about a significant other and their dumps, perhaps it would go like this. "Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital for treatment. Before I was ready to go home I decided to use the bathroom. The previous occupant had just left but the putrid smell lingered so bad, I passed out, hit my head and was hospitalized. The previous occupant was my bride to be." Her simile would have been like a fleet of nuclear submarines!!!
cjammer 0
And if that FML was posted, people would be commenting that there needs to be a "so what?" or "who cares?" button. Cuz brides-to-be poop too, you know. Next time you try to come up with an example of a better FML, make sure it's, erm, actually a better FML. =]
mckibabe 7
Sorry meant to thumbs up that, accidentally thumbed down it:p
BeeSkwaird 0
Win! It may also be worth noting that "rocket" and "Hershey's chocolate" rhyme. You could have some fun with that one, OP!
CallMeHush 1
Hold on! Here comes the train! ~~~~~~~
carrotpuke 0
thanks for further inflicting their poo-wrath upon us
Namenlos_fml 20
You should fart in front of her, call it a "moped", and see how she reacts to ha taste of her own medicine. Oh yeah, and get a sense of humor.
HanaxD 0
Lmao. That made me laugh. :O
jonny2x4 0
How would you describe taco *****?
DJ_Chutfield 4
Dude, who gives a shit? (no pun intended) Everybody poops, grow up.
Squander 3
While I agree everybody poops, not everybody talks about it. I personally prefer, you know, not talking about it.
PakiPakiPaki 0
Okay seriously, this is not gross! This is HILARIOUS! I'm in an all girls beauty school and well we practice on each other, weather its manicures or full bikini waxing so we get to know A LOT about each other, we talk about everything, and with my closest girl, we go take ***** together, turn on the hand dryers to block the sound and you know what? It's HILARIOUS! When she's over at my place and we just ate and she's bloated, she will tell me straight up hey I'm going to take a shit, and I'm like alright! It's not like EWWW OMG YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NATURAL EWW! COOOOOOOODIES! ahahaha, and okay I know I didn't mention talking about size, flow, consistency, etc, but if we're bored enough or it's good enough to talk about, ******* right we will, grow up people poop is poop stop acting like its a crime to talk about what your poop looked like....
heystephanie 0
Hey. Grow up and read the book "Everyone Poops". Good day.