Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
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Top comments
DontClickOnMe 28
He could've been nicer about it, but if it really bothers you, ask him how he likes it and to give you some tips. He should be helpful, not hurtful.
Hiktmae 20
If it's her first time it's not really her fault... He needs to be nicer and patient and kindly let her know how to improve, it is very nerve-wracking for a girl to perform for the first time.
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Comments (183)
Diarrhea_Volcano 29
At least he's honest
abbyycarper 13
sounds like that ended well
otecasacid 22
What is there to feel ready about giving? Everytime I have had to wait for a girlfriend to "feel ready" it's been awful. Anything sexual ISN'T something you should be overthinking if you want it to be any good. Sex should be spontaneous, it should be a constant rather than a weapon.
ninety 25
Well, if she waited until she "felt ready" and it was horrible, she obviously wasn't using it as a weapon seeings how it appears you weren't really missing out on anything to begin with, haha.
otecasacid 22
what i mean by that, is anyone who is putting sex on a pedestal, doesn't have any real passion for it. If sex is a special occasion in a relationship, there's not heart in the action. Whereas if it's something both parties want, it's interesting. I bet OPs guy was asking for a while and she didn't feel dedicated to do it.
erenjaeger 16
I disagree. If someone wants to have sex, but they don't feel ready, then they aren't going to enjoy it. If they don't feel ready, then they may end up having regrets about it. It's not necessarily an "on occasion" thing, but sometimes couples wait until one or both feel they're ready for it. Yes, spontaneous can be fun, but feeling ready is important if you don't want your partner to feel regrets or guilt afterwards.
Seabiscuit218 12
Wow that ...sucks... iIll show myself out I'm sorry
lonter20 7
Well that blows
TomeDr 25
Count your lucky stars if he never asks you to do it again.
elizacandle 29
well ask him to show you- if it's your first time how are you supposed to know?
RedPillSucks 33
By him doing it on her?
samomaha 17
Yep, just ask him to show her how. "Honey, I'm sorry that was horrible. Why don't you show me how YOU give head? Then I know it will be perfect." Follow up with an innocent blink.
worldclassrager 41
Love the name... Practice makes perfect he can probably give you a few pointers it does help
Katthebamf 29
I'm sorry OP! Things like that can be difficult to work up to in a relationship
demonfacee 14
Ask him how he likes his blow jobs and learn from him.