Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

We got a reader!

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

Are you lost?

Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

So… about that…

Today, the moment I had been fearing for the past few days arrived: my mom asked me if I knew what a groyper was. I don't know what's worse, that I know what they are, or that trying explain the concept is so convoluted, she now thinks I'm making shit up. FML