Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor, even if you have a C-section. FML
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I found out that my breathing exercises I learned during pregnancy will not be for nothing after ending up having a C-section, because I'll apparently need them every time I relieve myself. FML
Today, I’m at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
The pain of an anal fissure is said to feel like ******** shards of glass. Sounds like the loudest screams will be coming from your bathroom rather than from your nursery.
tygerarmy 35
Between your bowel movements and not getting any sleep because of your newborn your life's going to be a pain in your ass.
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Comments (94)
yourmofo 6
What? Are you saving them for a rainy day or something? I hear of people not taking dumps for days on end. WTF? Probably need a shoe horn to assist.
brookayyy 0
I'm not going to lie, that's really gross.
kingchelsea 3
you're supposed to take the stool softeners they give you!! my Dr gave me some to take home with both my babies. and then I made the home nurses give me more lol. f.y.l but y d I
austin101123 3
You should have listened to your doctor. You deserve it (YDI).
daxter136 0
Laxitives
hateevryone 15
Damn I know thats gotta hurt.
rammy125 4
Always listen to the doctor. You think they give you advise just to hear themselves speak?
DocBastard 40
No, we also do it to sound smart and to make boatloads of money. But mainly for the money.
duhhduhh 0
I hear ya
duhhduhh 0
Oh shit... I remember that... Lmao when I finally was able to poop it felt like I pooped a tennis ball... Sorry op.. It will get better
SakeGurl 9
Sorry I hope you feel better soon. My mom has IBS and Diverticulitis . She has suffered for years, just be glad it won't last your whole life. Ydi cause you did it to yourself. My mom suffers daily and doesn't deserve it.
doodlecloud 27
I don't know much about this subject but if your doctor REPEATEDLY warned you, why didn't you listen??