Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor, even if you have a C-section. FML
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I found out that my breathing exercises I learned during pregnancy will not be for nothing after ending up having a C-section, because I'll apparently need them every time I relieve myself. FML
Today, I’m at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
The pain of an anal fissure is said to feel like ******** shards of glass. Sounds like the loudest screams will be coming from your bathroom rather than from your nursery.
tygerarmy 35
Between your bowel movements and not getting any sleep because of your newborn your life's going to be a pain in your ass.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (94)
HerrBawl 4
Ask for some nitro ointment, it helps.
LMFAOallthetime 8
I thought you gave birth through your other hole....world's 8 wonder!
bmkc4 1
Ur a dumbass
bmkc4 1
That same thing happened to me... Hang in there
pengin 13
I have absolutely no sympathy for you. You obviously chose to not listen to your doctor, that's what you get. Shut up & stop complaining, you did it to yourself you dumbass.
comment11111 39
Relax.
bonermonkey 31
some people are busy having a newborn child and shit, it can be hard to remember to do everything especially when you don't know exactly why you've been told to do something
circulareasoning 2
Don't be silly, women don't poop until they're 40!
efemel94 7
My last shit was similar to the film "The Titanic"; 3 hours long and I cried at the end.
noisebox 1
Hope your partner is not Greek!