Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother got mad at me for breaking the screen on his phone. He'd already dropped it so many times that the whole screen was cracked to the point that you couldn't see anything on it, but for some reason, I am fully responsible for its destruction because I accidentally delivered the finishing blow. FML
Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML
Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML
Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year-old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Clock him solidly around the head. Dominance asserted.
arano 29
Well at least he didn't pee on you.
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Comments (45)
LegitimateSalmon 12
Beat him up.
glossykarma 19
make sure to assert your dominance by decking him in the face a few times
AuroraIce 5
Headbutt him to prove your dominance.
nameisname 12
Smack him hard in the face and say how's that for dominance
brick0 11
Make him pay to replace everything he broke and if he wont then kick the everliving shit out of him.
Tyrez 32
Face it, he's the alpha if he can launch you from the hammock. At least now you know not to mess with him.
Robocop82 5
Is he an 11 year old Paul Rudd?
VVickedpanda 4
She = Woman, He = Man. I'm shocked this little Trump supporter didn't say anything about her being fat before sending her packing past the border (property line in this case)
mattyiscool123 26
That's not how you assert dominance
dextini 10
snap his neck