Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother got mad at me for breaking the screen on his phone. He'd already dropped it so many times that the whole screen was cracked to the point that you couldn't see anything on it, but for some reason, I am fully responsible for its destruction because I accidentally delivered the finishing blow. FML
Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML
Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML
Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year-old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML
Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Clock him solidly around the head. Dominance asserted.
arano 29
Well at least he didn't pee on you.
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Comments (45)
arano 29
Well at least he didn't pee on you.
soulreaper12296 28
That's the next step.
EJ003 6
You should inform him about contests for dominance. Then while he is sleeping or relaxing hit him enough times for the worth of the phone. He won't want to be dominant after that!
EJ003 6
Or rather you could offer him your hammock to get in. Once he gets in it do the same back to him
Sweet_Melody 15
He's young but he should of known that was a mean and stupid thing to do. I hope he got some sort of reasonable punishment for that.
Wizardo 34
Clock him solidly around the head. Dominance asserted.
crudeandrudeguy 29
I've heard the best way to assert dominance is to mount someone, but I wouldn't advise doing that here.
tygerarmy 35
What's wrong with a little Jiu-jitsu? Mount, or even a good side control, tap him a few times, dominance asserted.
The_ghetto_mango 25
Martial arts work well.
Sidneyr 14
Who puts a hammock at the top of a hill?
The_Potato_Lord 15
Someone who lives on top of a hill.
Dave_Davington 34
There's only one reasonable and intelligent response to this. Hold him down and shit in his mouth. That'll show him who's dominant.
Plastinate 17
Make him pay in both ways.
ER1C_fml 22
Eat him.
tin_cup 27
He's a guy!
The_ghetto_mango 25
#11- You know, it's always that one person who suggests cannabalism for these types of things. Are we freaking tiger sharks or chimpazees that fight for dominance in the womb or kill our rivals and may actually eat them? While cannibalism would solve hunger and over-population problems, we are, as a general society, disgusted by it. We are human beings, for God's sake. We are capable of solving problems without going to the extreme and eating each other. So don't go over the line and freaking say a person has to eat their 11-year-old younger brother for dominance.
admeid 10
26--can you even internet
The_ghetto_mango 25
Nope. I'm just a avid lover of books.
loserman67 36
Soundly and firmly "assert" your foot deeply in his ass several times. Dominance re-assigned