Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML
Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML
Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, I'm horny all the time, but my endurance in the sack is horrible. Why me? FML
Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML
Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML
Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML
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Top comments
Superawesomestev 0
stop drinking. or maybe your not attracted to your hand anymore. I would draw a moustache on it and call it berry. that should get ya going.
perdix 31
Get a job that requires you work the night shift. A job where a flaccid penis is preferred, if not required. Gigolo is NOT one such job. Then, during the day, cruise up and down the street blaring "Afternoon Delight" on your car stereo. Since it comes up every hour, do you call your penis "Old Faithful?" Do your erections occur at the bottom of the hour or the top, for example, one o' ****, two o' ****, etc?
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Comments (40)
KrystleLynn 0
see a doctor...
duckorange 0
And - if it helps - a sexy doctor.
youaresofucked 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA THE OP CANT GET A BONA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ryguy997 0
to much infOrmation, op.
Asstazztic 8
Maybe the op is gay lol
UnluckyDom 0
Maybe not having sex turns you on? :o
mordantennui 0
maybe your sex drive is linked to your circadian rhythm lol
iLoveTeraaa 0
ha
Makaloraii 0
3 Not having morning wood just means you don't dream sexually throughout the night. They're not 'required' at all. Usually people don't get it when they're getting some. FYL for getting ******?
asnider 0
Morning wood has nothing to do with sexual dreams. And, I'm pretty sure the dude couldn't get it up when he was trying to have sex, not morning wood.
ronton 4
yeah dumbass he said at night not morning, learn to read
MinecraftGeek 8
Psst, 26, at least 4 used proper grammar. Moron.
awildwhisper 30
Hey 38, content over delivery. This is a fun FML website, not a scholarly journal.
rameses1210 18
38, there's nothing grammatically wrong with that sentence, only missing punctuation.
Superawesomestev 0
stop drinking. or maybe your not attracted to your hand anymore. I would draw a moustache on it and call it berry. that should get ya going.
zach5432 3
ftw
portlandrima 0
either you are gay or married...
perdix 31
Get a job that requires you work the night shift. A job where a flaccid penis is preferred, if not required. Gigolo is NOT one such job. Then, during the day, cruise up and down the street blaring "Afternoon Delight" on your car stereo. Since it comes up every hour, do you call your penis "Old Faithful?" Do your erections occur at the bottom of the hour or the top, for example, one o' ****, two o' ****, etc?
Samsa 0
Hehe! thats hilarious! haha now- military time or standard time?
MinecraftGeek 8
They're the same, just one uses a 24 hour clock and one a 12 hour clock.
jonny2x4 0
Guess you'll have to hit the strip clubs in the daytime. If you go at night, you'll end up pissing off the strippers.
Simone88 0
WELL DAMN!!!!
fergiesman 0
A boner is required if you wanna get laid.
Killuhk 8
Not necessarily lol..it is still possible to have sex even if you can't get a hard on
icanfloat12 0
hmm I get boners randomly too, but if I see a hot girl I get em also :)
zach5432 3
well we regular people finished puberty awhile ago