Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML
Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML
Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML
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Top comments
TheDarkoprince 0
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-da Oompa, Loopma, doom-pa-dee-do
nicolexsmile 0
YDI
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Comments (207)
Ub3r_Crippl3 0
Fake = YDI
rauj13 0
I am trying so hard not to laugh out loud.
jessxoxo28 5
LMAO!!!! i did the same thing to my friends!!!! fake tanning on really pale pple dont work
hahabusboy 0
LOL I've actually done that to someone.
TotallyAwesome 0
I don't believe you, kids these days haven't seen the original Chocolate Factory, and in the new one oompa loompas aren't orange.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
so what you're saying is that theres no way at all whatsoever that any kid anywhere in the world has seen the original film. and you know this. for a fact. beyond the shadow of a doubt. do you even listen to yourself speak or do you find that you drift in and out? shut the **** up and don't say stupid shit. oh and OP, i don't think theres been an FML to date thats made me laugh that hard.
wetheChristine 0
use the new foaming Jergens lotion. it's amazing, you wont get orange and it's gradual. no streaking, it's perfect.
BooJeanIsIt 0
Spend the extra money on a good one. "Fake Bake"
such_is_life_fml 0
Somebody needs to be more secure about themselves ;) Seriously, there's no way that you're that bad off, I know lots of pale kids and they're not shunned or anything. On the flip side, there's a junior in my school who has used so much fake/salon tanning that she now looks Black. She started out white.
theRovingMage 0
Okay, before you decide you need to go into the sun like everyone suggests, I recommend you go to a beach or renaissance faire, go find one of the older women who obviously goes there every day without any sunscreen, and take a good look. Then imagine looking like that. Then, decide that being pale can be sexy and wear your paleness with pride. And trust me, the dried leather look is not hot. If you're born tan, go with it. But if you're not, don't try to be a poser.