Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML
This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML
Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML
Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML
Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML
Insult to adultery
Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML
Foreshadowing
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Stuck
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Of all the places…
Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Never touch the Xbox
Today, I turned off my boyfriend's Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "That's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML
Top comments
meirasanya 10
Report him to the police! Stealing from you is illegal enough, but downloading child **** as well! He won't need to worry about bills from jail. It's also safer for children if he's locked away.
ihateexams 0
Anonymously call the police and report him for downloading child pornography. If there's any evidence on his computer, that will probably be enough to prosecute.
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Comments (129)
ming88 0
He deserves to be locked up.. how and why did you choose him in the first place?
Erindub 0
You've got to get the police over RIGHT NOW!
Newbie21 1
@2
anonymous45610 0
what a pervert!
dochoc_fml 0
turn him in!
Mest_Is_Wicked 0
This is to everyone who's like "It's probably just someone who looks young." Sorry, chaps... child **** is A LOT more common than **** that is made to look like child ****. Go to any torrent site, look up ****, you'll find child ****, mostly. Now, who wants to help me slaughter these fuckbags? :)
Totenglocke 0
"child **** is A LOT more common than **** that is made to look like child ****. Go to any torrent site, look up ****, you'll find child ****, mostly." Bullshit. Between me and the guys I know, we've probably seen more **** than is healthy (hey, it's called being bored and getting drunk with your friends in college) and I've never heard of anyone having ACTUAL child ****. You have to really intentionally look for it and even then, you'll probably have a damn hard time finding it because the police and site admins are constantly looking for anyone posting it so that they can shut them down.
Lehk 9
I don't want to know what torrent sites YOU hang out on. though i will suggest you look at ones on regular internet instead of freenet.
Hexefrau 5
I watch a lot of ****. A LOT, especially when one takes into account that I am a woman. In all of my years devouring all of the **** I could find, I only stumbled over one actual instance of child ****. It wason a user uploaded site, and it was labeled "gothic snow white", which, if you know any goth chicks, makes sense...goths have a preternatural affinity for stage and drama, even in their ****. So naturally, I was happy to view it, until I realized what it actually was. I reported it to site admin, they not only pulled it and kicked the sick ****** off of the site, they called law enforcement themselves. Even **** moguls have some standards. I'm 34. I've been digging on 'net **** since back when boobs were still pixelated and painfully slow to download. In all of that time, I've run into 1 vid that was legitimately child ****. I have run into countless "barely legal" type of vids, though. I've also run into a lot of angry wives and girlfriends that consider that to be child ****. And Totenglocke...maybe you know the wrong women. I'm 34 and don't have lines on my skin. Maybe it's because I avoid the sun like the plague and actually know how to properly care for my skin, but most of the chicks that I personallyknow aren't sporting wrinkles at 25 or even into 30. As for sagging, while some of that is poor self-care, sometimes gravity just does its thing. Boobs sag, it happens. I have news for you men, though...While I may be tripping over my own boobs at 50, you'll be hauling your own balls around in a wheelbarrow around that same time. And furthermore...George Clooney isn't good looking at all. I prefer Billy Connolly.
Hexefrau 5
Aww...I'm an odd duck, truly I am. I'm kinda like a guy with boobs. I prefer **** and video games to daytime tv and the like. But thank you, pendantic. :)
Major_General 10
Excepting the child ****, sounds like your marriage wasn't so hot to begin with.
catriona_cd 0
again thats not the law here.
xXPaigerzXx 0
your 'husband' has some serious problems.
youlose_fml 0
ya...ur life sucks. that's disgusting, frightening, creepy, and sad all at the same time.