Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML
Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML
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Top comments
keke_fml 0
let's see which one kills you first
Charlesdenfreude 0
Wow, that's like the healthiest activity I've ever heard of
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Comments (208)
youngguns21 0
What kind of white trash needs to eat AND smoke at the same time?
wienerwagon 0
Condemning him for driving and smoking at the same time is dumb, most smokers do it. Condemning him for smoking is even worse; who are you to tell him how he should live his life? And I can guarantee all of you have eaten at McDonalds once or twice. Calm down guys, you're all overreacting like a bunch of assholes.
yui567 0
Smoking, eating, and driving. Sounds safe.
Alleandro23 0
we're not condemning him for driving and smoking, we're condemning him for driving smoking AND eating. you only have so many hands and one should always be on the wheel.
ilikerainbows 0
Today, I was driving down the highway while smoking a cigarette, eating some french fries, texting my bff, changing the cd, doing my makeup, reading Harry Potter, searching for a napkin (like, french fries are greasy), drinking a soda, painting my nails, toasting a poptart, knitting a scarf, solving a rubix cube, completing quadratic euqations, and looking for a map. I was sort of lost. I smoked the map, ate the rubix cube, drank the nail polish, and put lipstick on the poptart. Maybe I was doing too much at once. FML
xHaniffax 0
Okay you completely deserved this, I hope you choked on that cigarette for being such a dumbass 1. You smoke 2. You were driving at the same time 3. You eat fries for breakfast?!
ihateyouall 0
#139 is that meant to be funny or something? i think you should get over yourself you motherlicking bag of piss
kellster 2
You sound classsssssy. Someone who eats shit, smokes shit, and probably drives like shit because they're too busy eating and smoking to pay attention. Please don't drive. Kill yourself however you see fit, but stay off the roads, mmkay?
beyotch 0
So healthy...
patray_angel 0
Wow, smoking is bad for you....gee, thanks to all of you for feeling the need to point that out because lord knows the OP probably doesn't already know this.... I could care less that the OP smokes, it is their decision, but they shouldn't be trying to eat, smoke, and drive.