Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, after years of no sex, a friend of mine told me she would like some benefits. I got too excited and came before even putting it in. FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all that, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Rainbowsareshiny 0
hahahahahaha take it easy on the guy. he fails but...it's technically not his fault how could he have known that his ex wanted to ahem MAKE WHOOPIE? gosh lol
feelslikeanoose 0
you definately misused "abundantly" in this. Fail
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (67)
Burbman 1
whoopie? how old are you exactly?
jalapeno64 10
Who the **** says whoopie!???
SilentC 0
Omg seriously!! Lol
G6chick 0
Who says whoopie n e more?
Disembob 16
The most cringe-inducing name for sex ever.
Yelyah46 6
He just finished playing Sims!
BenTaz 7
The FML here is the fact that you actually say "make whoopie" :/
bekah1993 5
Am I the only one who got the sims reference here??
nicholasj96 9
Ydi for describing sex as "making whoopie"
The_9th_Doctor 18
did you say the magic words or say please?