Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, after years of no sex, a friend of mine told me she would like some benefits. I got too excited and came before even putting it in. FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all that, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
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Top comments
Rainbowsareshiny 0
hahahahahaha take it easy on the guy. he fails but...it's technically not his fault how could he have known that his ex wanted to ahem MAKE WHOOPIE? gosh lol
feelslikeanoose 0
you definately misused "abundantly" in this. Fail
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Comments (67)
Timmytwofinger 0
once to make you last longer, anymore than that then you're ******, or not in your case. BAIL.
MrDanimal 0
I can do it 10 times n still get it up, so WTF?
btown1616 0
yea its easy to get it up after 3
farhil 14
And y'all have tried this...?
feelslikeanoose 0
you definately misused "abundantly" in this. Fail
lizamaphone 6
op deserves it for that (misusing "abundantly") and for calling sex "making whoopie"
lolfood 24
Definitely* :|
carbivore 10
Making something "abundantly clear" is a pretty common phrase, I wouldn't call that a 'misuse.'
ILookAtFMLs 13
What frightens me is how many up votes this has.
Rainbowsareshiny 0
hahahahahaha take it easy on the guy. he fails but...it's technically not his fault how could he have known that his ex wanted to ahem MAKE WHOOPIE? gosh lol
3lended7wice 0
@ 4: you are probably a virgin. @ 8: YES! exactly what i was thinking. and this whole scenario is really a shame. though it more than likely saved you from some drama in the future.
chiddy_bang71 0
your responding to 8 but your 7.... can u see the future?!
NikkiFlysKites 8
I'm wondering the samething..
Se0ul_Fr3sh 0
That is weird... o.0
beezy_slayer 0
yea really whoopie what are u 12? wow this isfunny
ilaaFML 0
come on, 12 year old's know better than that.
Already_Dead 15
...And some 12 year olds can spell better than you. (Not implying that I am 12. I just had the common sense of using proper grammar at that age.)
fhxokgra99 0
wow, you're a pussy. you oviously have no kids and you're oviously not in high school. I'm going to guess mid 40s used car salesmen no kids lives in a shitty apartment. I got creative with this one.
Moneylover103 1
And you "ovisouly" can't spell and have no life whatsoever
ladykkay 12
this guy^^^^^^^^ is awesome @53
JohnnyDontCare 11
And you're obviously a complete piece of shit
Rrandommness 0
MASTURBATION FAIL you poor guy lol
gukinator 0
#8 u would say you jacked it thrice or you jacked it three times not you jacked it thrice times op- thats happened to me, it sux :[ thats why i never jack off when i have a gf, or if its like the middle of the day
SoFaded80 0
lol. i second this.
Moneylover103 1
Ummmm it's his EX-girlfriend!!!!!
Moneylover103 1
You dumb M. O. F. O.
Grizz8831 14
quick question... what are the O's for in this? MF would have made sense... even Mofo to a degree... but you are implying the O's each have a word they start... please elaborate.
djtelekinesis 0
Make whoopie? Are we watching Mallrats? Just tell her you jacked off for a bit and you can eat her out for a while as compensation. You'll eventually get it back up.
iamtenyearsago 0
Serves you right for saying "make whoopie."