Phil
Canada
Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This is us
Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
smf_ds
Rebordosa, Portugal
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
John
United States
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Lenore
Setup
Today, I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My husband said we should “adapt, not panic” and brought lubricant from the garage. It had a skull warning on it. Apparently I married an engineer. FML
Anonymous
Ace in the hole
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Anonymous
Saint-laurent, Canada
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
P DarklyKira
Broken bum
Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML
Anonymous
United States
Leaking from everywhere
Today, I woke up bleeding from every orifice in my body. I've got a nose bleed from my medication, my gums bled when I brushed my teeth, I'm on my period, and I have hemorrhoids. FML
Hurtingincanada
Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML
rainydays79
United States
Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML
Top comments
DocBastard 40
Hemorrhoid are like those so-called "friends" you hang out with because no one can tell them to go away. They are both really irritating, they're both a pain in the ass, and they both bleed when you poke them with sharp sticks.
supimnyancat 9
Probably lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.
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Comments (78)
MonsterCommenter 4
You need to man up and kick that bitch to the curb...
mandadarling 10
Dump that asshole. You can do better!
daydreamer244 13
Just end it now and get rid of that asshole! You'll feel so much better in the end!
KeyboardWarrior 10
That was almost as funny the second time! *Slaps knee*
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Keyboardwarrior's knee: Ow, what the hell, man? Just for that, I'm gonna ram myself into a dresser tomorrow.
downtime 13
60, Better a slap than an arrow. 25, The time differences were negligible, and besides, this one sounds far more like they're suggesting suicide...which is kinda disturbing when read with the right inflections...
emeraldisle 30
Always a good relationship to have.
perdix 31
Ironically, all your other relationships failed because you were such a *lowers sunglasses* pain in the ass.
Pelvispresley 8
Forever Alone much??
derkster 6
TMI
ManInTheMachine 20
If you consider that too mcuh information, then you haven't even scratched the surface of FML, and should stop now. There are things that cannot be unread...
MIDMichele 5
Well if you stop talking about your hemorrhoids, and maybe you would have a relationship
THE_A_TEEN 28
But...I love talking about my hemorrhoids. It's a conversation starter at the parties!
smilepatrol 7
That's forever alone level 9000
TwiztedYuri 9
its over 9000
comeatmebroo6254 1
Don't worry, You'll find someone who doesn't cause you nearly as much pain as hemmeroids. :)