Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked me to wax his ass crack for him. It might have been funny or maybe even a kinky experience a few years ago, but now I had to navigate the wax around his haemorrhoid, which did start bleeding. I don’t get why he even wanted a smooth crack at our age. FML
Today, I finally forced my husband to go to the doctor's for his chronically itchy arsehole, which he scratches in his sleep, and ends up bleeding all over the sheets. Turns out it’s a fungal infection. Now he has to apply a cream twice a day, which isn’t fun to watch when he does it in the bedroom. FML
Today, my husband called me into the bathroom to wipe his ass, as he's become too fat to do it himself. I don't know what's sadder, the fact that I did it or the fact that I miss when he was at least ashamed to ask. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My husband said we should “adapt, not panic” and brought lubricant from the garage. It had a skull warning on it. Apparently I married an engineer. FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML
Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, my husband called me to our bedroom, saying he needed help with something. I found him sitting on the bed with his pants down, so I smiled and asked if he was angling for sex, which was fine with me. Nope. He needed me to pop a pimple under his ballsack. FML
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Top comments
myfakeacc 12
well bloody communicate before it's too late. you can not drown your sorrows and be angry with the other partner if you don't express your dissatisfaction
vadarose 12
So then talk to your husband??? Also who else is he going to ask to check his asshole you’re his wife I’m sure he’d do it for you and he probably would feel the same way as you. Communicate with him that the intimacy is gone and you need to work on it. Also drinking your problems away is just going to create even more.
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Comments (12)
myfakeacc 12
well bloody communicate before it's too late. you can not drown your sorrows and be angry with the other partner if you don't express your dissatisfaction
vadarose 12
So then talk to your husband??? Also who else is he going to ask to check his asshole you’re his wife I’m sure he’d do it for you and he probably would feel the same way as you. Communicate with him that the intimacy is gone and you need to work on it. Also drinking your problems away is just going to create even more.
ahabsfan 17
Everyone is dying to know so I’ll ask on everyone’s behalf. Was it bigger?
DarkAngelsBlade 25
Two things, hinting doesn't work so make it clearly stated, don't chew his head off if he gets defensive, just explain that you're just wanting more romance.
Brightside86 31
Really seems like the sort of thing a doctor should diagnose if he's worried.
kfchicken 31
he already has a diagnosis. for all we know he could also be treating it and wondering if the treatment is working, the doctor isn't with him everyday
bleachedraven 14
I agree with the "communicate" aspect...you need more intimacy? Tell him. Checking his asshole doesn't have to interfere with intimacy...that's a seperate thing, a medical condition. While it's not anyone's favorite thing to do, as someone else said, being your spouse, he would probably do it for you. Checking asshole time and intamacy times would be seperate occassions. I've recently done treatment for a loved one (though not hemorrhoid area) & the size is reduced slightly than it was last year... Having kids and working in nursing homes might have reduced my squeamish levels over the years.. but for loved ones we have to put awkwardness aside sometimes. Be patient, don't damage your health over it.
protoskore 27
there is a subsection of male humanity who believe touching their own a-hole will make them gay. Also he could easily use his phone's camera to see what's going on down there.
bleachedraven 14
🤣 wtf
protoskore 27
you read enough internet, you come across stories of women who discover their boyfriends never wipe after, or was it in the shower, because touching back there would mean...
ashlston 12
Get him a hand mirror.
Joseph Elvin Legg 7
welcome to marriage. it be like that sometimes
phybreawptic 13
1. Own your drinking problem and set a better example for your kids. 2. Marriage takes work and isn't always glamorous. 3. Learn to communicate or seek couple's counseling. 4. I'm certain he's seen your hairy ringhole before.