Phil
Canada
Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This is us
Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
smf_ds
Rebordosa, Portugal
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
John
United States
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Lenore
Setup
Today, I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My husband said we should “adapt, not panic” and brought lubricant from the garage. It had a skull warning on it. Apparently I married an engineer. FML
Anonymous
Ace in the hole
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Anonymous
Saint-laurent, Canada
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
P DarklyKira
Broken bum
Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML
Anonymous
United States
Leaking from everywhere
Today, I woke up bleeding from every orifice in my body. I've got a nose bleed from my medication, my gums bled when I brushed my teeth, I'm on my period, and I have hemorrhoids. FML
Hurtingincanada
Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML
rainydays79
United States
Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML
Top comments
DocBastard 40
Hemorrhoid are like those so-called "friends" you hang out with because no one can tell them to go away. They are both really irritating, they're both a pain in the ass, and they both bleed when you poke them with sharp sticks.
supimnyancat 9
Probably lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.
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Comments (78)
DrewsFML 8
Well at least hemorrhoids can't leave you for another asshole
perdix 31
So, what's "your song?" "Ring of Fire?" "Is This Burning an Eternal Flame?" "Burn, Baby, Burn, Rectal Inferno?"
redbluegreen 41
Burnin' for You.
Jawzx01 7
How'd you piss that away??
SqueakyChipmunk 22
How come rocks in the hemisphere are called astroids, and bumps on your ass are called hemorrhoids? Backwards as ****.
hockeyoceancity 13
I'm going to get thumbed down for this but your profile bio is amazing lol. I like the female part lmao.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Thank you :D
CanadianCutie22 16
should get those looked at hunny
felisaa 5
I cringed a little reading this.
meljns 7
That's why you don't have relationships. Hemorrhoids.
hateevryone 15
Like really though?
trucker67 10
I would rather have had hemmoroids then my ex wife :( so count yourself lucky cause at least you don't have to give half of everything you own to your pain in the ass !!
riotofquiet 14
Aww, looks like you guys were meant for each other :)