Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML
Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
Sounds like your dad might have been more than just drunk.
SirSantpoort 0
he on crack
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Comments (114)
elise_ewell 0
hahaha that is so freaking funny
Scoutman 5
Whiskey Enlightenment - There's a country music song in there somewhere.
l3allin_all_day 0
I'm guessing his retarded
FFML_314 12
Is the irony in your username intentional? I'm hoping it's not.
FFML_314 12
You are so incredibly pedantic. Ironic? Yes!
FFML_314 12
I think you're lying. I'm going to mace you, just for being a sinner. *Runs away laughing, trips and falls over bench*
FFML_314 12
DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'm going to sick Red on you. *Whistles for Red*
redbluegreen 41
Yes?
FFML_314 12
Mind **** him. Or tie him to a chair and poke him with a hot feather.
FFML_314 12
I'm going to make her shove a duck up your ass. Yes, a duck. You might like that. Old guys like ducks, don't they?
redbluegreen 41
A good duck ****? What?
ngyh 0
so er..... can he finally split the sea in half?
iGrenade 0
lol @ religious pass by-ers
PeteElMalo 0
be grateful he was watching history channel ... it could have been much worse
1personinthiswor 0
*Added to favorites*.
lolatlifehahaha 0
identity test number 1: i'm pretty sure Buddha wouldn't get drunk in the first place...
blahkilluh 0
this is the best.
Niki27x 2
I laughed at this, it's gold(: me faving it!! y dad just dances in the kitchen; your dads waaaaaay cooler(: fyl tho, embarresing:D