Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML
Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
Sounds like your dad might have been more than just drunk.
SirSantpoort 0
he on crack
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Comments (114)
JacksonCampbell 9
first
zanzaber89 0
Do you want an award?
Jonsey92 0
ur soo cool
gagneana000 5
dude, no one cares. hahahahah this FML Is awesome.
EricErection69 0
dude your dad is the shit!!!
MykeLytorus 0
Canadians lol.
Sungod 0
FYL for living in such an intolerant neighbourhood
starile 20
OP: YDI for spelling "embarrassed" wrong in your username.
renerdrat 6
Today I read a ridiculous fake fml..
Eyou 0
16 , the guy is from conniticut...
yuhimjesus 0
^ talking about #1...
Shookitup 0
Yum ;P haha
YourEvilHero 12
woo Connecticut!
Eyou 0
ohhhh okayyy what did he say anyways?
Peacemaker9 7
he said first.
Skroal_stomper 5
A- Men.
foreverspellman 0
sweet Jesus!!!
RedPillSucks 33
@37 - While we were focused on Iraq and Afghanistan, Canada snuck down and stole Connecticut from the US. Their new battle cry is "Remember Bridgeport!"
DocBastard 40
RedPill, congratulations! You win 1 (one) Internet for that comment.
BeeHappy_fml 0
I am really confused here. how would your house be in such a central location so as to be harassed by a bunch of random people? and how would all these people even know what your dad is doing, much less have the audacity/care enough to yell or honk at you? I call fake.
jpest17 5
sounds like homer Simpson.
counterfit 10
FYL for living in Connecticut.
iHOOT4Hooters 0
Just don't let him watch Animal Planet! He is going to think he is some kind of bird, and he will try to fly.
7basher7 0
lol rofl
cheergirly16 0
congrats 1 lol & this made me Lol!!
Jonsey92 0
is ur hair thin? it looks really nice :)
DocBastard 40
"Is your hair thin?" is now officially the worst come-on in the history of the English language. Congratulations.
SirSantpoort 0
he on crack
green_eyes124 0
haha I would love to see that for some reason : )
schwancy 2
Sounds like your dad might have been more than just drunk.
fvckyeahMazing 0
he achieved enlightenment!
I_iz_special 0
lol nice
Peacemaker9 7
lol that's funny
crazedcabbages 0
hahaha this made me giggle :)
tikimuppet 11
So? That's just funny! I would have laughed so hard if that had happened to me
MykeLytorus 0
Your picture makes you look like a terrorist. Just sayin.