Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, I saw my dad naked. How? He came into the room I was staying in, drunk. I'm gonna need a whole lot of therapy. FML
Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face", while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML
Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room, only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain, I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
If he acted out that lyric, "Oh, Daddy, dear, you're still number one!", they'll need electroshock therapy!
WistayShlaio82 13
People in your area get to go outside?
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
If he acted out that lyric, "Oh, Daddy, dear, you're still number one!", they'll need electroshock therapy!
WistayShlaio82 13
People in your area get to go outside?
RichardPencil 32
Yes, in most jurisdictions, being a Peeping Tom is considered "essential." Letting exhibitionists flash from their own homes is a public health win!
rlm2710 13
Yes. May i have is numba